包袱

总觉得自己把全家给拖累了
我的出现
夺走了姐姐所有的爱
如果不是我
哥跟姐就不用为了供我读书而到外地做工
姐姐身为最小的，也会得到多点疼爱，她也会有个快乐的童年
爸妈也不用待在怡保
那时大家都不用挨着相思之痛
可以全家人搬到新加坡／一起待在怡保团圆
如果我没有出世
那大家就会少了一个很大的负担
那为什么我还是要来到这个世界呢？
我讨厌孤独地待在家
我很想念小时候被哥哥姐姐骂我烦的日子
想念他们陪我幼稚的时候
想念他们在怡保的时刻
哥…姐…爸…妈…
对不起~
是我连累了你们
破坏了你们无忧无虑的生活
我没用

一封写出心声的信~

我第一次为了看信而哭
哭到没有声音
甚至不能呼吸
那是一封真情流露的信
写出了一个为了家而到外国做工的女孩对家的思念与期望
也写出了她对她生活的一切感受
她从不回想童年回忆
因为她觉得很孤独
家里与学校都无人疼爱她
她妹妹的诞生
使她连那少少的爱都被夺走了
但她从来没有讨厌过她妹妹
反而最疼的是她
因为她想她妹妹活得比她更快乐
她把所有希望与幸福都投射在她妹妹身上
她付出最多；得最少
最终她找到了在她生命中最疼她的人-她的丈夫
她很感谢妹妹对她的支持
姐~谢谢您！
谢谢您对我的疼爱与对这个家所付出的一切！

a memorable camp^^

i went for amc st. john annual training camp
i was 1 of the camp committee
as a security , i had less time to sleep
i did regret for it before
but i knew i was wrong
because when sharing
my junior thanked me for it
at least i knew i has done something for camp
when we were in camp
i hoped to return home faster
just because i missed my bed much

the sharing part.....
i cried seriously
to see what they wrote on my paper
and it was the last day we overnight at school
i felt like......
i didn't wanna return home
i missed camp so much
we put so much effort in it
but it just last for three days

the last day~~
we did well in the closing
there's tears around everywhere
but it not because of blaming and sadness
it was because the sense of appreciation

my parents came
but i didn't want to go back
i hug my dear friends n cried
when i returned home
i did really missed camp much

i love this year camp
i love amc st. john
n i love all of u
truly n deeply from my heart

i learned many things in this camp
benefit lots
i had grown to become more mature
i truly wanna thanks all the camp committee
surely for the guideness
from mr. lai , pn. tan , sir kevin n ex-seniors too
i sweared to myself
i would never regret to be a part of this society

my recent life

i am always having emotional recently
i am not as patient as last time anymore
i always get angry easily
don't know why
sigh~~ i felt sorry to everyone around me
i didn't scold them
but i always in a unhappy mood
i knew i made many of u worry
but please believe me~~
i am ok and will be alright soon
here , i wish to thanks my jie n mui
*my mbb jie n my mdd soh mui
because they do give me a lot of advises
and of course supports too

there's really many problems appeared in my life
my family n friends as well
i didn't know what should i do
i felt fed up.. really
i couldn't survive in such a suffer life
i couldn't sleep well every night
i really don't know how to solve the problems between us
i did really feel tired
but i had never give up to think solutions

2010 is coming soon
should i be happy??
for me.....
2009 is a trouble year for me
many things happened around me
which i never expected n shocked me
ans because of all these
i did change a lot
i became more tough n cool
but it might not a good change??
i am wondering~~ however....
there's many more problems which i had not solved yet
will all these be alright in a new year??
i don't know~~
i hope i can lead a happier life in a new year
i don't want as suffer as this year anymore
god bless me~~

最特别的你~~

11/12
整整一天了…
我的收件箱里…
毫无你留下信息的痕迹…
怎么了？又出现什么问题了吗？
我又开始担心了…
而我的心情…
也不知觉地变得低落了许多…
脸上的笑容自然地消失了~
你是否知道…
在没有与你联络的时刻里…
哪怕只有那么区区的一天…
也足以让我的心跳停止~
我对你的爱…
已被隐藏在我心灵的最深处…
如果我不说出口…
你是否能感觉得到呢？
不管我们的将来如何…
我真的很想永远待在你身边…
好好地守护你，不让你收到任何伤害…
我能这么幸运…
去拥有这个机会…
成为你的永恒伴侣吗？
但愿我能^^

为何一切都变了？

从新加坡回来已有一段时间了…
但从我踏进怡保的第一步开始,
就好像注定了我要面对很多问题~
我觉得…身边一切都变了
你对我冷淡了…
她变得恐怖了
他不再这么主动找我了
这一切都令我对周围的环境有了极大的恐惧感
我开始不会分辨身边的人…
到底谁是真心;
谁是假意了
绝望的我真的厌倦了自己的生活…
我真的觉得很累了…
也快要撑不下去了…
难道我只想回来后，能过一些平静的生活…这样也有错吗？
如果知道回来会让我这么烦恼…
我真的宁愿躲在那儿一辈子都不回来…
*当事情无法如愿地解决时，逃避未必不是一个好方法~~

你在耍我么？背叛我了吗？

5/12~
从朋友口中得到了一个很惊讶的消息…
对我来说，它是一个很坏的消息…
因为…我信任的你…背叛我了~
我是否应该相信这一切呢？
但事实摆在眼前
我也无法再逃避了…
她们没有欺骗我的必要…
还是有什么误会了？
因为你对我所做过的一切…
并不让我觉得那是假的…
我们的友谊会这样就结束吗？
我不晓得…
只知道自己已经对你绝望了…
而我们以后…
应该也只可以做两位很普通的朋友…
因为我对我们的友谊没有信心了
而我…也不敢再轻易地相信你了…
对不起~
也许…这就是我们的终点了
一切都回到我们刚认识的时候了~

the LAST day

today is the last day i stay at s'pore
but the stupid me choose not to go anywhere
am i stupid n silly??
but i respect my decision
because i really very tired to walk here walk there
i rather stay at home to online
chat with mt buddies
download songs n all those
although i can do this at ipoh
but don't know y
i just wish to stay at home today

at the beginning , i wish to return ipoh faster
because i really miss my soh mui , mui , frens , dears much
but now?? ya.. i miss them too..
but i don't wish to back
once i return ipoh , i need to face many people n many things
still got some problem not being solved yet
at here , i can avoid all these
i can go out by myself to any shopping center when i m boring
i can eat anything since nobody here know i got gastric
so they won't control me
n i like the weather here , windy always
i like the people here , polite n honest

but however , i know
i can't avoid those people n problem forever
i still have to return ipoh to solve it
because ipoh is my hometown
my house is there , n my family too
my school n my friend also
i know i can't leave ipoh at this moment
i feel sorry to my st john committee
especially wei see
because i asked her to tell me everything
n every news about sjam amc when i at s'pore
n she need to solve everything about security n coordinator
she as my partner... really pity her le..haiz~~
n kit yeng too....(my lao gong..haha)
because i asked her to pass things to jia min
sorry thank you so much my buddies!!
see u all soon^^