my smile had gone=(

don't know since when
i don't know how to smile anymore
i did show my laughter in my class
but in my heart , i m not happy at all
i was so easy to get angry recently
i HATE noise in my class
HATE people blocked my way
HATE u for being cool to me
HATE to b alone at home everyday
HATE u for not caring me anymore
HATE HATE HATE~~!!!
i almost shed my tears everyday
no matter where m i
i just wish to cry out
s i HATE to keep it in my heart
i m sorry~~
for making u all worry
for frightening u all
but.... the tears dropped so automatically
out of my control
what happen to me??
i wouldn't drop my tears easily last time
but now... i do
i just don't want to control it
i don't want to cheat myself
i could always pretend happy in front everyone of u
but now... i can't
i will show my moody out
but i will never tell u why

truly , i do really need somebody to hug me now
i just want to cry out loud to express my feelings
ya~ i cried very much recently
i do it everyday even twice a day
but none of it was enough
because i HATE myself for crying
so i will stop it in the half way
n that's y i will cry again when i meet problem next time
my days are full of problems
i m unhappy at home , school..
i thought i can get happiness in sms
s u can always b the 1 who cheer me up
but y u can't do it now??
because u r stressed for your studies?
that's y i m speechless to u too
sorry~ but i will promise that i will never leave u
however , my smile had gone
i couldn't find the previous me anymore
the LNJ who is smiling happily to u
is just the fake me (most of the time)

SORRY EVERYONE~
*i hope u won't leave me n give up me just because of this*