complicated life

another night that i m having insomnia
reason?? it is always the same
just BECAUSE OF YOU
why?? why everything would become like that?
i knew that's my fault for not picking your call
but i really couldn't
i was having dinner with my mum that time
really sorry for it=(
i apologised
but... it was the time the problem started
u just replied 'oh'
were u angering with me?
yea~ i think u were
from that onwards , every of your messages was just a single word
again~ u were cool to me
i act nothing happen n text u s usual
but... u didn't reply me anymore
told u i was free , u had no response
after half an hour , u told me u were playing
is that games r important than me?
it was not the first time , every time u do
why did u wanna tell me that u would b free anytime if u wanna play?
haix~ disappointed~ but i didn't blame u today
because i was the 1 who wrong first
well , i just called u to enjoy it
n again , u didn't reply me
didn't even have the word 'oh'
haix~ every time also like that
no matter how much i don't hope to be away from u
i have to say the same thing 'u go play la~'
just because that's what u hope to get
but u dare not to ask it from me
but u will never know how heart pain was i when i said so
u asked me when did u treat me cool
i told u but u replied something that i unexpected
'never mind~ when also never mind~'
u didn't mind it then y did u want to ask me?
ya~ never mind
i knew that i m not important for u s what i was in the previous time
u won't care much about me anymore
so... what i said was not important to u too~
u didn't reply me again
where had u gone to?
what were u doing?
the feeling of missing u was getting more
would i disturb u if i sms u?
i cancelled my sending message for many times
but finally , i sent u , told u how unhappy was i about us
what was your response?
'nothing need to fan , k?'
u don't think u did cool to me
so that's not a problem for u?
are u b TOO optimistic?
u said before that u had never replied me with a single word message
so u were not consider s cool to me
but today... u did?
so weren't we getting worse?
but it seemed nothing for u~

do u still remember what had u told me that night?
'请允许我再许下一次承诺 ，不想再冷落 ，不甘你寂寞
再一次相信我 ，好吗？'
i did really believe n confident to u
so whenever i felt u r cool
i will try to stand for it
because i told myself that u will change
u will , because u love me~ i know it
but... can i really stand for it?
can i really think that nothing had happened?
i cried almost every night nowadays
i m too rely on u~
u told me 'yesterday i purposely called u
because i want chat with u today with the free talktime
but now 12am already , my rm2 wasted.'
n in another message , u said 'early know don't call u'
do u know how heart pain was i when u said so?
today , i did chat with u , but just not more than half an hour
u forgot what u said yesterday?
we had long time didn't chat on phone
n u like the feel chatting with me
then what had u said just now??
just because today we didn't spend all your free talktime
so u felt that's a kind of wasting money
yea~ chatting with me was just a kind of wasting money
that's what u think in your mind? ok~
u told me 'our time not suit'
this sentence sounds familiar?
yes~ because i sis say the same sentence to you before
do u still remember what u answered me that time?
'it will be alright if we love each other'
then now? u were saying the same sentence to me
at this moment , i m sitting in front of my laptop to express my feeling
i planned not to type it out
but i really can't stand for it anymore
i wish to throw my hand phone when i read your message
i wish ot hide a side n cried out loudly
but i can't , i have to hide it in my heart
just don't wanna my family think that i m getting crazy
my heart was so pain , n i got gastric seriously again
n this time was more serious~
because i m having headache
it is not as same as the headache which i usually got
it is much more painner
n the position... was on my old injury
will i get any problem?
i m afraid of it , but don't decide to do anything

finally... i believe this sentence
'how u treat others , that's how they will treat back u'
but i found that it will just happened on bad things
because how good i treat others , i won't get back the same
so no matter how u hurt me now , i m not going to angry u nor blame u
just heart pain by myself , because that's what i should accept
just because i knew that u hurt u deeply before
so it is the time i should pay it back for you
does it mean that after i get hurt like how much i hurt you before
then we will be alright?
if yes , i m willing to b hurt by you
because i do really hope that we can live together in the future
do u? i hope so , so i hope u will gambateh with me
i told myself ,i won't give up no matter how much i hurt
because i know...
if i give up once more , i can't hold u back anymore
i rather to b s suffer s now than losing u once more
but....i don't hope we Will be like that anymore
can we don't argue because of the same problem again n again?
i don't hope anyone one of us will feel tired n wanna give up again
i really don't wish it will happen , don't you?
DEAR~ I LOVE YOU~ forever~ i know u too~
so... can we... just... avoid this?