~to my debate teammates~

don't know why , all of u appeared in my mind so suddenly
xiao wen , wei keng , yuen si , wan ning~
i miss all of u so so so much!!
i miss the moment we prepared for ciompetiton
i miss the time writing script with wan ning
i miss the time we argued among each n others
i miss the time we spent at my house , xiao wen's house , pn low's house
i miss the nervous us at sam tet school
i miss the time we grabbed for food
i miss the time we spent that rm3 per day
i miss the time eating at mp , fantasy n cappuccino
i miss the time being scolded by miss heong together
i miss the time we online n disturb each other together
i miss the time we snapped photo together
i miss the necklace given by wan ning
i miss the moment we cried together
i miss the moment we 'white' together
i miss EVERYTHING that done by us TOGETHER!
there are many things that we passed through together
there are joys n sadness as well
but no matter how , thanks to u girls
because the appearance of u all
i learnt a lot of things
i gained friendships
i gained experience n confident as well
all of u were the 1 bring me up
due to the supports from all of u
i went to the final
what made me could stand until the final
even it was very stress??
JUST BECAUSE OF ALL OF U!!
no other reasons else~
there are 1000000000000 thank you from me to all of u
all of u are my beloved teammates
all of the moments spent with u girls will be part of my sweet memories^^
i would never ever forget about it in the rest of my life

i m nobody for u~

"your brother need to sleep more , don't disturb him."
'don't wake him up early in the morning , he needs to have enough rest.'
"do u want to go brother's shop tomorrow? if u don't want , nothing for u to eat..
i m not going to cook but will cook at his shop. if u want to eat ,
u cook by yourself then wait me bring you the curry when i come back.."
OMG~~ wait u come back?? in the afternoon or evening le?
it is not the 1st time already
u go to brother's shop every sunday
n i have nothing to eat
even no instant mee for me
why? because u don't care anything in this house anymore??
what can i do is just calling u
n the only reply from u is only WAIT
wait?? how long do i need to wait?
until late afternoon n that's y i skip my breakfast every sunday
are u forgot that i m a patient of gastric?
i will hungry at every fix time
how much times do i need to tell u that i m gastric?
i won't repeat it anymore as u don't even wanna bother about it
how can u help HIM to save petrol is important
is there enough food for him is important
does he eat full does he pray is important
then how about me?
m i just nothing for u n doesn't bring any meaning?
well , i do want to say any single word anymore
i chose to keep silent when b with u all~

it is the time for me to learn how to survive by myself alone=)

i do care every of my friends
i tried my best to give them what they want
but i was being betrayed one by one
i was wondering
wasn't it what i did for them was not enough?
was i not good enough?
n now r leaving me too
but i won't ask myself such question anymore
because i had got the answer from someone else
ya~ i m loyal to every friendship that i have
n just because of that , i make u girls felt stressed
my expectation from you was just too high
m i right? i m so sorry for that..

no matter is the one who love me
or the one i care most
now left me too
so it proved that...
it is my own problem
my attitude problem
i too protect myself from getting hurt
n the way is~ controlling how my friends treat me
sorry for being so selfish~
y will i do so??
i supposed it is because i got very hurt by my best friend before
so i m so afraid that it will happen again
i will definitely heart dead if the same thing happen again

so i chose to hide myself up
chose to protect myself from everyone
n that's y... i don't have any confident in any friendship
i will think that everyone of u will leave
the only one i think who won't leave me
is YOU.. because u told me that i sek u most
n u need me most
the friendship between us is the only friendship that i confident in
but the ending is still the same
i know that u r going to leave soon too
never mind , i will just let u go~
u had succeed , s u helped me to find my inner self
but is the one before u friend with me
the previous me~

it is the time for me to grow now
i got to be more mature
i will handle everything by myself
not going to tell anything to anyone anymore
when i m having gastric , not going to tell
when i m moody , not going to share
n when i m hurt , not going to disturb u guys
because i don't wanna give my troubles to my friends
as the problems in my life are just too many
u girls will have a more relax life after all^^
n finally~
sorry friends~ i realized my mistake too late
n now , all of you had gone
nobody will care for me anymore
as YOU are always the only one
but now.. haix~
no point for me to regret here
as i know that that's my fault
what i can do now is , used to be alone
don't afraid of the lonely feel anymore
n solve everything by myself
thank u for supporting me so many times~

还*你*自由

刚刚得知了一些事情
谢谢你把真相告诉了我~
原来。。。我一直以来都给她带来了压力
我以为我很疼她、保护她
我以为我给她的支持能够成为她的力量
原来。。。我错了~
我太高估了我自己
她不需要这一些
而她需要的人也不会是我
她需要的是你所谓的自由吧~
我曾经说过我是她的克星
因为她遇见我后，每一天都在为不同的事担心着
但她否认了~现在时间久了，她也应该认同了吧~
我曾经尝试劝她走，但她不肯离开
但如今，她自己选择里开了
也许现在，是她该离开的时候了
她曾经离开过，但回头了
可是这次，我有种不祥的预感
总觉得她永远都不会再回来了
因为这不是她值得留下的地方
而我。。。也应该习惯没有她的生活了
我不开心，不可以再找她
胃痛、不舒服也不该告诉她了
没有必要向她提起与她无关的事情而增添她的麻烦啦~

妹，对不起~
是我把你绑得太紧了吧~
是我让你喘不过气来，对吗？
今天没有与我联络的你，应该感到很轻松吧~
从这一刻开始，我不会再管你了
我也不会再利用你对我的诺言来捆绑着你
所以。。。你也可以把一切都忘了
你不需要永远地支持我
更不需要帮我找回以前的我了
以前的我能否回来，都已经不重要了
现在我宣布~你自由了！！ 哈哈~
现在的我，会是最后一次为你哭泣
再一次~我的心很痛，胃也很痛~
很久没有试过这种感觉了
这是我第一次为你而痛，但也会是最后一次
因为我知道。。。我该把你放下
让你去做你自己想要的东西
我不会再打扰你的生活
当你需要我时，我才出现
而到你不需要我时，我会彻底消失
我发誓~我不会为你的生活增添烦恼
这两年以来的你，辛苦了~ 对不起=（
不过没关系~因为从这一刻开始，你可回到原点
做回你自己了，享受你那无忧无虑的生活
姐祝你天天开心~（虽然不晓得你是否还当我是姐
但那不重要，因为你永远都还会是我妹）
一定要像彩虹那样带着灿烂的笑容哦=）

友谊已不在了？？

再一次。。。你令我失望了
你违背了你对我的诺言
这是第几次了？？
多得我再也数不清了
一次又一次、一次又一次
我每一次都相信你会实现你的诺言
但你却。。。唉~
我彻底失望了，也再也不会对你抱有任何希望
可是第二天，你来找我了
你知道当时的我有多开心吗？
说过不要再让自己被你的举动而影响
但。。。我还是因为你而感到快乐了
只可惜。。。快乐的时段总是短暂的
你和她离开了=（
当时的我。。。心在流泪，但你却不晓得
从你离开时的笑容，我知道你很期待，也很兴奋
所以我并没有阻止你，只要你开心就好
可是最终，我还是躲起来流泪了
为了不要让任何人知道，我选择自己一个藏起来
我说过，我来这里是因为你
所以你也曾答应我你不会抛下我
但在这三天里，你是否有一秒钟是真正属于我的呢？
很明显的是~没有
你不知道我的心会有多痛
你更不知道我有多失落
你说只会离开一个小时
但结果呢？你有回来吗？
没有~甚至连一封信息也没有
没错，你把你的朋友留下了给我
可是那并不是你该做的
难道你的承诺是那个吗？
我从来没有介意你丢下我
但我很介意别人答应我的事做不到
你又有没有想过
如果你的朋友没有来找你
那当你离开时，她就不在
那我岂不是就一个人了？
即使她来了，你也知道待会儿她得与她的组长一起
她还不是会丢下我一个人吗？
难道那与你无关，所以你就不在乎吗?
我承认我小器，但那只因为我过于在乎你
真的觉得自己很笨、很天真
既然你有我也可，无我也可
那为什么我还要不停地付出呢？

时间到了。。。我期待你叫我、望我的那一刻
但是。。。你毫无举动
与别人手牵着收回来的你，应该玩得很开心吧~
你说过，我不去，你就不比赛
其他人去不去对你一点也无所谓
但现在呢？你让我看到的是。。。
你根本不需要我任何的支持
你会告诉我，我对你有多重要
可是抱歉, 我从来感受不到
在信息中的你与在别人面前中的你
完完全全是两个人
我不介意让全世界知道我有多疼你
而你只会让全世界知道你与其他人的感情有多好
但那永远没有我的存在
我没有资格去怪你，因为那是你的自由
但是。。你可不可以不要再给空承诺了？
如果你没有信心办到，，就不要随口答应我
我最讨厌这样的人，但我却永远都无法讨厌你=（

我以为今天一切都可回到原点
但我错了
你没有信息我，上网也没有找我
难道你就忘了我们之间所有的美好回忆
我们之间的“饼干故事”
忘了我们要一起面对一切
忘记了我们说过要陪对方一辈子吗？
一切的一切。。。你都不记得了吧~
我对你来说，再也不重要了，对吗？
你再也不需要我了
因为你终于发现，她比我好
我们的友谊就到此结束了吧~
后悔了~ 我不该为了你、为了一个诺言而去吉隆坡
更不应该对你的诺言抱有希望
就因为这小小的信任，我们的距离变得遥远了
既然你不再需要我了，我也没有必要待在你身边守护你了吧~
好好照顾你自己啦~她也会照顾你的=）
只要你需要我时，我的电话还会欢迎你的信息
你永远都会是我最疼的
那个名字~也会专属于你。。。
祝你幸福快乐^^

national competition

finally...the competition was over
everyone can rest well now
but... we didn't get excellent result
was that really a matter??
no , i still felt proud of all of them
because i could see that everyone of them had grown
they became more mature
they learned many things
n did improve very much
what they had gained was knowledge , experience n friendship
all of these r far more important than prizes
their achievement was not depends on how many prizes did they get
but how much had they changed to be better
as long as they made themselves into the national
they had succeed s they achieved our target^^
or even more than what had we expected
congrats to kho mun yee=)
as she is not only champion for written test in perak state
but in national as well
keep it up~
i hope i will see u girls perform better in the following year
amc st john will continue to shine brightly!
amc~ forward let us march!!

*kl*

i spent the beginning of this holidays at kl
for 3 days 2 nights
just to become a supported of sjam national competition
we lived at the same place s last year - pulapor
it was still the same
same dirty , dusty... or even.. worse?
haha~ i didn't know
but had used to it as it was not my 1st time being there
although i was so tired at there , i enjoyed it much
we spent our meals time together...
we bathed together...
chit-chatted together...
marching together...
sweat together...
shopping together...
laughed n cried together s well...
we did all the things together
it proved that we are always good buddies
no matter what happen , i would never forget the moment spending with u girls
i love all of you
i love amc st john very much=)

~一切都会更好~

也许大家都说得对
我根本就不是个好女生
我知道你对我好
但我就只有一次又一次地伤你
原因是什么？连我自己也不懂
就觉得你不应该再浪费时间在我身上了
以你的条件你，你绝对能找到更好的
我说了我不该说的，但也做了我该做的
最终。。。你离开了
那就是我想要的结局吗？？
我不晓得~
去过属于你自己的生活吧
有些事情。。。
该放下的总该放下了
没有我的日子，你的生活会变得更好
没有烦恼、没有负担
祝你早日找到你的下一个幸福=）

i m so disappointing~

m i really such kind of person in your heart?
u r my good friend since form 1
u r someone who i trust so much
i told u most of my secrets
i thought u know me well??
i m not that kind of person
i won't take any relationship to joke
n also won't play anyone
u think that I'll accept someone once someone confess to me
u think that I'll accept because of i m lonely
because i feel like need someone in my life
what nonsense were this??!
i was so so so disappointed when i heard it
u s my good friend , but u broke my image
i m always loyal to love n friends
don't u know it???
ya~ i m 'flower heart'
i m just a play girl
satisfied with it?
haiz~ it was just too hurt for me

m i going tio die??

"your health is getting worse.."
this was what i received just now
then my 1st response was~
'what?! then what will happen soon?'
"die.." that's what she answered me
i was so shocked when i heard it
what did she mean??
m i really getting weaker n weaker?
but i think i m 'quite' strong'??
for sure , i will fall sick
but not what serious disease also
i m not afraid to leave this world
but before that , i must achieve all my wish
so now onwards , i don't want to do anything that will make me regret
i will try my best to stay happily everyday
n for sure , i will take good care of myself^^