st john day

finally... this day came
it was such an important day for me
as i was the chair lady of it
everything went well? not really~
but still ok la , not that bad
something happened at the end~
chai yan held my hand n didn't let me go
she seemed wanna pull me along to go up to the stage
what's wrong with her?
don't play anymore la please~
i heard my name was being announced
were my ears having any problem?
my name shouldn't be there , how come?
chai yan pushed me to the stage
without knowing what was going on
i just walked up faster n took my cert
i was just in a blur condition@@
well , chai yan told me the truth
i was being promoted by our division
that's puan tan's suggestion
n chai yan decided to give me a surprise about it
well , u were succeed , i did really VERY VERY surprised about it!!
thank you very much my dear chai yan!
surely , thanks to puan tan n sir kevin for giving me the chance
thanks to wei teng , su ann n others for co-operating with them
just to give me a surprise^^
i was very shocked n happy with it
not because of the ranking that i got
but the effort that u all put in just to give me a surprise=)
thank you very much!!! i love all of u~
I LOVE AMC ST JOHN!!

*心声* 一直没说出口

xxx xxxx~
现在才知道，原来一直以来，你都没有真心把我当成是朋友
我会成为你的朋友，只因为我是她的朋友
而当她不再睬我以后，你就是第一个不当我是朋友的人
说真的，你是令我最失望、最痛心的一个
因为我从来没有怀疑过你与我交友的原因
你曾经说过很多关心我、支持我的话
这一切，我都铭记于心，因为我把你当朋友
还记得我们一起罚站在椅子上的日子吗？
昨天你去身体检验，我还担心你的检查结果
但我没有勇气去问你，也知道你不会告诉我
我不可否认，你曾带过很多欢笑给我
所以。。。谢谢你
但我不晓得，原来所谓的欢笑
我对你的玩笑，你是那么认真的
我只是用他们对待你的方式对待你
希望能够融入你们的世界
但原来。。。那是错的
因为你一点也不喜欢，甚至非常不爽
对不起~惹你生气了
好好照顾你自己的身体吧~一定要定时做检查=）

xxx xxx~
原来我一直误会你了
我以为你说我们还是朋友
但原来。。。你已不需要我了
想不到，三天的旅行对我们的改变会是这么大
你觉得。。。我很假对吗？
因为我说你好朋友的坏话了
我不能改变你对我的想法
但我希望你仍然可以相信我
我真的没有故意把一切告诉她
就算我知道她会撑你
我还是选择了相信她，就因为她是我的朋友
但原来，你的魅力太大了，她选择了帮你
真的觉得自己好笨~
其实我明明知道那半个月以来所发生的事情都不会是真的
为何我还是选择了信你呢？
不过还好，因为我没有掉入那个“玩笑”里
但还是要谢谢你一直以来的陪伴与支持
谢谢你所付出的一切、谢谢你给我带来的所有欢乐
当然。。。也要谢谢你把我带去langkawi了
原本以为，已经不是第一次跟你反面了
所以我可以习惯，也不必去在乎
但原来。。。我不行
上次我们过了两年才好回，但只维持了半年
这次我们又会花多少时间才能做会朋友呢？
也许再也没有机会了吧~？？
无论如何，在我心里，你永远都会是我的好朋友
祝你尽早逃离那黑暗的世界吧~
不要把自己困在里面，她已经不会回头了
你的身边还有更多真正爱你的人等着你

xxxx
不晓得以后我还有没有机会像以前酱叫你了
你应该多我很无言、很失望了~对吗？
我承认，在别人面前说你坏话是我不对
对不起~也许这个道歉，你已不稀罕了
我不知道为什么今天一与你讲话，，我就掉泪
但请不要误会，我不是故意要获得你的原谅/同情
只是。。。我的心真的很痛
你以为我在说你假的时候，我的心会好受吗？
不~一点也不。。。因为你是我最好的朋友
而且当我把所有事情告诉别人时，我非常希望那不是真的
我也很想听你亲口说你没有这样做过
终于。。。我听到了，当然。。。我相信你
只要你说没有，我都会信，但是否太迟了？
一切都真相大白了~
对不起，我误会了你的意思
我以为你那残忍的信息意味着你要放弃这段友谊
无论你相不相信都好，我都想让你知道~
我从来没有放弃过我们的友谊
无论我怎么对别人说我有多讨厌你
对你有多失望都好。。。
我也不曾忘记我们之间的承诺
还记得我们说过要在考完试过后
再到新加坡一次~
这个梦想...还能实现吗？应该很难吧~
也许到时我会在面子书上看到许多你跟他们到处旅行的照片
我。。。其实天天都在怀念以前的时光
怀念我们有说有笑的日子
怀念我们像“糖粘豆”般走在一起的日子
怀念我们俩形影不离的日子
怀念我们一起下课买食物、一起吃coconut jelly的日子
怀念我们一起到洗手间的日子
怀念我们一起躲在更衣室自恋的日子
怀念我们一起逃课的日子
怀念我们一起疯狂大喊大叫的时刻
怀念我们一起被抄名、顶撞巡察员的时候
怀念我们在kbox疯狂跳舞的日子
最近爱上了bad romance这首歌
而每当我听到它，我都会想起你
因为。。。那是只属于我们之间的回忆
谢谢你到我辩论比赛那儿支持我
谢谢你教会了我如何喝含有酒精的饮品
谢谢你在我需要你的时候出现
谢谢你一直以来的支持
以后。。。我下课不吃东西，不会再有人骂我
我胃痛，也不会有人说我抵死
更不会有人在我不开心是买糖果给我吃了
还记得你说过我很聪明、很了解你吗？
现在发觉自己错了吧？
也许我懂得怎样关心你、逗你
但我却不懂得如何去了解你多一些
这是身为朋友的失败例子吧？好惭愧~
你呢？你是否还记得这点点滴滴呢？
还是一切对你来说都已不重要，所以你选择忘记它了？
这次是我们第一次认真地吵架，对吗？
我们。。。真的没有转弯的余地了吗？
难道这么的一次就足以让我们变成仇人了？
我承认这次我的处理手法很有问题，对不起~
你应该知道，所有事情都是来自一件事情的误会吧
我真的不想就因为一件事、一个人。。。
就可把两个本来全世界都认为很要好的好朋友给分开了
我真的没有任何值得你原谅的机会吗？
难道我们的友谊就是这么经不起考验了吗？
我就没有任何值得你留恋的地方了吗？
无论如何，你都还会是我的朋友
只要在你需要的时候，我都会出现
因为。。。那是我对你说过的承诺~
我讲得出的，我就会做得到^^
好好照顾好你自己吧, 不要再让自己胃痛了
我知道那一点也不好受
这次考试成绩不是很理想吧？
下两次都要好好加油啦=）

xxxx xxx~
没想到，我的直觉又再一次地对了
那天我该早就料到，你要把我的信息发给别人
但却一个不小心转发于我
但为什么我还会相信你呢？
一当你说没有，我就不再怀疑你了
原因很简单，因为你是我的朋友
还要是认识了很多年的朋友
我好笨、好天真
笨到那天以为自己误会了你，还向你道歉
我以为这个世界真的有可能是友谊比爱情来得更重要
但原来。。。无论多久的朋友
都会被一个“爱”字而蒙蔽了
在友谊和爱人之间，你竟然选择了你爱他，但却不爱你的人
就因为这样，你放弃了我对你的信任
我没有怪你，所以也没有去问你
只能怪自己太过愚蠢 ，一次又一次地信错人了
只要你坚决认为那是对的，我就无话可说了

又是一个充满泪水的*星期四*

曾经对自己说过：不能再为这件事情流下任何一滴眼泪
但今天。。。我再次失败了=（还要是我哭得最厉害的一次
知道自己无法再忍受时，我选择逃避
我躲到新厕所去，偷偷哭泣，不让任何人看到
我以为自己冷静下来了，才敢回班
但最终，我还是在班不断地掉泪
我一直告诉自己，我要坚强
就算要哭，也得等回家后，不可在你们面前哭
但我彻底地失败了。。。还好我背对着你们
今天的谈判，算是成功还是失败了呢？
成功在于我看清楚了所有人，也看清楚了我自己
失败的是我们并没有解决到问题
现在终于领悟~原来知道太清楚，只会伤得更深
因为。。。事实。。。是残酷的
用回同样的方式去发泄-打球
为什么每个星期四都有些不如意的事情发生？？
因为连天都知道我可启用大球发泄吗？
一波未停，一波又起，圣约翰又有个大问题了~
很烦，真的很烦。可以找一天让我安心地度过吗？
狠狠地把球打到对面，真的是种很爽的感觉
只要出尽力地打，那就会是个很好的发泄方式
但今天。。。打了这么久，我还是无法发泄
仍然有种有些东西说不出口的感觉
也许。。。是因为。。。
我失望，也心碎了~？？
我没有怪任何人、也没有资格怪任何人
因为那全都是我自己的愚蠢所造成的
是我天真地以为那明知没有可能发生的事情是真的
我信错了人、讲错了话、怪错了人、做错了事~

我需要你

最近发生的事情实在太多了
在我脑海中只有一个人的出现
就是。。。你~
每当我有事时，你都会是最支持着我的那一个
但如今。。。你离开了
你也不再属于我了
没有你的生活，我承受得了吗？
我不清楚。。。只知道自己正在想念你
想念我们之间所发生的一切
想念你所给我的一切
这些事情还能够重来吗？
很后悔。。。后悔自己曾经没有把握好机会
后悔自己没有好好地对待你
发生了这么多事情后，才知道。。。
原来自己有多需要你
我希望在聊天格里那个人是你
因为那意味着你还很关心我
我每天放学后都希望还能看到你的信息
但一天又一天。。。一天又一天。。。
我看我还是白等了
自己却没有勇气踏上第一步
我很是失败吧？ 唉~ 胆小的我
其实。。。你的心还有我的存在吗？
我不晓得~ 但似乎。。。你已经放弃了
你的部落格已把一切都写得很清楚了
你信息中的冷淡甚至不回复
让我心痛得很
不过，那都是我自讨苦吃吧？
是我先放弃，我就没有资格说挽回了，对吗？
也许。。。一切都太迟了=（

爱上你

什么都不要懂 只想继续做梦
害怕醒来以后 握不住你的手
是谁太不成熟 没体谅彼此感受
我不停寻找着理由 解释分手
心好空 像没温度的气球
我的灵魂困在回忆中动也不能动

爱上你 不需要理由 你到底懂不懂
可是怀念竟比失去还要更难受
噢爱让我想起你的时候 泪禁不住滑落
可惜你永远都不会懂


什么都不要懂 只想继续做梦
害怕醒来以后 握不住你的手
如果同一秒钟 你也想起了我
心只要能微微颤抖 就已足够

爱上你 不需要理由 你到底懂不懂
可是怀念竟比失去还要更难受
噢爱让我想起你的时候 泪禁不住滑落
或许我永远都看不透
爱上你 不需要理由 你到底懂不懂
伤心快乐 在回忆中反复的交错
噢爱让我想起你的时候泪 禁不住滑落
可惜你永远都不会懂

放心我还会好好的过

I M JUST ALONE=(

what happened??
i didn't know
both of u just kept avoiding me once woke up
didn't talk to me , didn't sit with me
i was sure that there was something happened
what had both of u chatted on that night?
i was so wondering about it
as after that , both of u didn't bother about me anymore
i shed my tears along the journey coming back
i cried for two hours but nobody knew it
just could see your shadow following by hers
u will never know how pain was my heart at that time

today.... finally i got your reply
but that's a cruel reply..
n i knew the truth
although i don't wanna trust what others said
but i do trust it very much now
just can blame myself for being stupid
for trusting everyone well
trust promises very much
again n again~ my friends left me 1 by 1
is that a curse from u?
since the day u left me , everyone is leaving me
n now , i left nobody now
n i need nobody too~

~to my debate teammates~

don't know why , all of u appeared in my mind so suddenly
xiao wen , wei keng , yuen si , wan ning~
i miss all of u so so so much!!
i miss the moment we prepared for ciompetiton
i miss the time writing script with wan ning
i miss the time we argued among each n others
i miss the time we spent at my house , xiao wen's house , pn low's house
i miss the nervous us at sam tet school
i miss the time we grabbed for food
i miss the time we spent that rm3 per day
i miss the time eating at mp , fantasy n cappuccino
i miss the time being scolded by miss heong together
i miss the time we online n disturb each other together
i miss the time we snapped photo together
i miss the necklace given by wan ning
i miss the moment we cried together
i miss the moment we 'white' together
i miss EVERYTHING that done by us TOGETHER!
there are many things that we passed through together
there are joys n sadness as well
but no matter how , thanks to u girls
because the appearance of u all
i learnt a lot of things
i gained friendships
i gained experience n confident as well
all of u were the 1 bring me up
due to the supports from all of u
i went to the final
what made me could stand until the final
even it was very stress??
JUST BECAUSE OF ALL OF U!!
no other reasons else~
there are 1000000000000 thank you from me to all of u
all of u are my beloved teammates
all of the moments spent with u girls will be part of my sweet memories^^
i would never ever forget about it in the rest of my life

i m nobody for u~

"your brother need to sleep more , don't disturb him."
'don't wake him up early in the morning , he needs to have enough rest.'
"do u want to go brother's shop tomorrow? if u don't want , nothing for u to eat..
i m not going to cook but will cook at his shop. if u want to eat ,
u cook by yourself then wait me bring you the curry when i come back.."
OMG~~ wait u come back?? in the afternoon or evening le?
it is not the 1st time already
u go to brother's shop every sunday
n i have nothing to eat
even no instant mee for me
why? because u don't care anything in this house anymore??
what can i do is just calling u
n the only reply from u is only WAIT
wait?? how long do i need to wait?
until late afternoon n that's y i skip my breakfast every sunday
are u forgot that i m a patient of gastric?
i will hungry at every fix time
how much times do i need to tell u that i m gastric?
i won't repeat it anymore as u don't even wanna bother about it
how can u help HIM to save petrol is important
is there enough food for him is important
does he eat full does he pray is important
then how about me?
m i just nothing for u n doesn't bring any meaning?
well , i do want to say any single word anymore
i chose to keep silent when b with u all~

it is the time for me to learn how to survive by myself alone=)

i do care every of my friends
i tried my best to give them what they want
but i was being betrayed one by one
i was wondering
wasn't it what i did for them was not enough?
was i not good enough?
n now r leaving me too
but i won't ask myself such question anymore
because i had got the answer from someone else
ya~ i m loyal to every friendship that i have
n just because of that , i make u girls felt stressed
my expectation from you was just too high
m i right? i m so sorry for that..

no matter is the one who love me
or the one i care most
now left me too
so it proved that...
it is my own problem
my attitude problem
i too protect myself from getting hurt
n the way is~ controlling how my friends treat me
sorry for being so selfish~
y will i do so??
i supposed it is because i got very hurt by my best friend before
so i m so afraid that it will happen again
i will definitely heart dead if the same thing happen again

so i chose to hide myself up
chose to protect myself from everyone
n that's y... i don't have any confident in any friendship
i will think that everyone of u will leave
the only one i think who won't leave me
is YOU.. because u told me that i sek u most
n u need me most
the friendship between us is the only friendship that i confident in
but the ending is still the same
i know that u r going to leave soon too
never mind , i will just let u go~
u had succeed , s u helped me to find my inner self
but is the one before u friend with me
the previous me~

it is the time for me to grow now
i got to be more mature
i will handle everything by myself
not going to tell anything to anyone anymore
when i m having gastric , not going to tell
when i m moody , not going to share
n when i m hurt , not going to disturb u guys
because i don't wanna give my troubles to my friends
as the problems in my life are just too many
u girls will have a more relax life after all^^
n finally~
sorry friends~ i realized my mistake too late
n now , all of you had gone
nobody will care for me anymore
as YOU are always the only one
but now.. haix~
no point for me to regret here
as i know that that's my fault
what i can do now is , used to be alone
don't afraid of the lonely feel anymore
n solve everything by myself
thank u for supporting me so many times~

还*你*自由

刚刚得知了一些事情
谢谢你把真相告诉了我~
原来。。。我一直以来都给她带来了压力
我以为我很疼她、保护她
我以为我给她的支持能够成为她的力量
原来。。。我错了~
我太高估了我自己
她不需要这一些
而她需要的人也不会是我
她需要的是你所谓的自由吧~
我曾经说过我是她的克星
因为她遇见我后，每一天都在为不同的事担心着
但她否认了~现在时间久了，她也应该认同了吧~
我曾经尝试劝她走，但她不肯离开
但如今，她自己选择里开了
也许现在，是她该离开的时候了
她曾经离开过，但回头了
可是这次，我有种不祥的预感
总觉得她永远都不会再回来了
因为这不是她值得留下的地方
而我。。。也应该习惯没有她的生活了
我不开心，不可以再找她
胃痛、不舒服也不该告诉她了
没有必要向她提起与她无关的事情而增添她的麻烦啦~

妹，对不起~
是我把你绑得太紧了吧~
是我让你喘不过气来，对吗？
今天没有与我联络的你，应该感到很轻松吧~
从这一刻开始，我不会再管你了
我也不会再利用你对我的诺言来捆绑着你
所以。。。你也可以把一切都忘了
你不需要永远地支持我
更不需要帮我找回以前的我了
以前的我能否回来，都已经不重要了
现在我宣布~你自由了！！ 哈哈~
现在的我，会是最后一次为你哭泣
再一次~我的心很痛，胃也很痛~
很久没有试过这种感觉了
这是我第一次为你而痛，但也会是最后一次
因为我知道。。。我该把你放下
让你去做你自己想要的东西
我不会再打扰你的生活
当你需要我时，我才出现
而到你不需要我时，我会彻底消失
我发誓~我不会为你的生活增添烦恼
这两年以来的你，辛苦了~ 对不起=（
不过没关系~因为从这一刻开始，你可回到原点
做回你自己了，享受你那无忧无虑的生活
姐祝你天天开心~（虽然不晓得你是否还当我是姐
但那不重要，因为你永远都还会是我妹）
一定要像彩虹那样带着灿烂的笑容哦=）

友谊已不在了？？

再一次。。。你令我失望了
你违背了你对我的诺言
这是第几次了？？
多得我再也数不清了
一次又一次、一次又一次
我每一次都相信你会实现你的诺言
但你却。。。唉~
我彻底失望了，也再也不会对你抱有任何希望
可是第二天，你来找我了
你知道当时的我有多开心吗？
说过不要再让自己被你的举动而影响
但。。。我还是因为你而感到快乐了
只可惜。。。快乐的时段总是短暂的
你和她离开了=（
当时的我。。。心在流泪，但你却不晓得
从你离开时的笑容，我知道你很期待，也很兴奋
所以我并没有阻止你，只要你开心就好
可是最终，我还是躲起来流泪了
为了不要让任何人知道，我选择自己一个藏起来
我说过，我来这里是因为你
所以你也曾答应我你不会抛下我
但在这三天里，你是否有一秒钟是真正属于我的呢？
很明显的是~没有
你不知道我的心会有多痛
你更不知道我有多失落
你说只会离开一个小时
但结果呢？你有回来吗？
没有~甚至连一封信息也没有
没错，你把你的朋友留下了给我
可是那并不是你该做的
难道你的承诺是那个吗？
我从来没有介意你丢下我
但我很介意别人答应我的事做不到
你又有没有想过
如果你的朋友没有来找你
那当你离开时，她就不在
那我岂不是就一个人了？
即使她来了，你也知道待会儿她得与她的组长一起
她还不是会丢下我一个人吗？
难道那与你无关，所以你就不在乎吗?
我承认我小器，但那只因为我过于在乎你
真的觉得自己很笨、很天真
既然你有我也可，无我也可
那为什么我还要不停地付出呢？

时间到了。。。我期待你叫我、望我的那一刻
但是。。。你毫无举动
与别人手牵着收回来的你，应该玩得很开心吧~
你说过，我不去，你就不比赛
其他人去不去对你一点也无所谓
但现在呢？你让我看到的是。。。
你根本不需要我任何的支持
你会告诉我，我对你有多重要
可是抱歉, 我从来感受不到
在信息中的你与在别人面前中的你
完完全全是两个人
我不介意让全世界知道我有多疼你
而你只会让全世界知道你与其他人的感情有多好
但那永远没有我的存在
我没有资格去怪你，因为那是你的自由
但是。。你可不可以不要再给空承诺了？
如果你没有信心办到，，就不要随口答应我
我最讨厌这样的人，但我却永远都无法讨厌你=（

我以为今天一切都可回到原点
但我错了
你没有信息我，上网也没有找我
难道你就忘了我们之间所有的美好回忆
我们之间的“饼干故事”
忘了我们要一起面对一切
忘记了我们说过要陪对方一辈子吗？
一切的一切。。。你都不记得了吧~
我对你来说，再也不重要了，对吗？
你再也不需要我了
因为你终于发现，她比我好
我们的友谊就到此结束了吧~
后悔了~ 我不该为了你、为了一个诺言而去吉隆坡
更不应该对你的诺言抱有希望
就因为这小小的信任，我们的距离变得遥远了
既然你不再需要我了，我也没有必要待在你身边守护你了吧~
好好照顾你自己啦~她也会照顾你的=）
只要你需要我时，我的电话还会欢迎你的信息
你永远都会是我最疼的
那个名字~也会专属于你。。。
祝你幸福快乐^^

national competition

finally...the competition was over
everyone can rest well now
but... we didn't get excellent result
was that really a matter??
no , i still felt proud of all of them
because i could see that everyone of them had grown
they became more mature
they learned many things
n did improve very much
what they had gained was knowledge , experience n friendship
all of these r far more important than prizes
their achievement was not depends on how many prizes did they get
but how much had they changed to be better
as long as they made themselves into the national
they had succeed s they achieved our target^^
or even more than what had we expected
congrats to kho mun yee=)
as she is not only champion for written test in perak state
but in national as well
keep it up~
i hope i will see u girls perform better in the following year
amc st john will continue to shine brightly!
amc~ forward let us march!!

*kl*

i spent the beginning of this holidays at kl
for 3 days 2 nights
just to become a supported of sjam national competition
we lived at the same place s last year - pulapor
it was still the same
same dirty , dusty... or even.. worse?
haha~ i didn't know
but had used to it as it was not my 1st time being there
although i was so tired at there , i enjoyed it much
we spent our meals time together...
we bathed together...
chit-chatted together...
marching together...
sweat together...
shopping together...
laughed n cried together s well...
we did all the things together
it proved that we are always good buddies
no matter what happen , i would never forget the moment spending with u girls
i love all of you
i love amc st john very much=)

~一切都会更好~

也许大家都说得对
我根本就不是个好女生
我知道你对我好
但我就只有一次又一次地伤你
原因是什么？连我自己也不懂
就觉得你不应该再浪费时间在我身上了
以你的条件你，你绝对能找到更好的
我说了我不该说的，但也做了我该做的
最终。。。你离开了
那就是我想要的结局吗？？
我不晓得~
去过属于你自己的生活吧
有些事情。。。
该放下的总该放下了
没有我的日子，你的生活会变得更好
没有烦恼、没有负担
祝你早日找到你的下一个幸福=）

i m so disappointing~

m i really such kind of person in your heart?
u r my good friend since form 1
u r someone who i trust so much
i told u most of my secrets
i thought u know me well??
i m not that kind of person
i won't take any relationship to joke
n also won't play anyone
u think that I'll accept someone once someone confess to me
u think that I'll accept because of i m lonely
because i feel like need someone in my life
what nonsense were this??!
i was so so so disappointed when i heard it
u s my good friend , but u broke my image
i m always loyal to love n friends
don't u know it???
ya~ i m 'flower heart'
i m just a play girl
satisfied with it?
haiz~ it was just too hurt for me

m i going tio die??

"your health is getting worse.."
this was what i received just now
then my 1st response was~
'what?! then what will happen soon?'
"die.." that's what she answered me
i was so shocked when i heard it
what did she mean??
m i really getting weaker n weaker?
but i think i m 'quite' strong'??
for sure , i will fall sick
but not what serious disease also
i m not afraid to leave this world
but before that , i must achieve all my wish
so now onwards , i don't want to do anything that will make me regret
i will try my best to stay happily everyday
n for sure , i will take good care of myself^^