annual parade

i was totally stress with what they said to me
i afraid that i would make any mistake during the competition
we trained on Thursday n Friday
but we seemed getting worse n worse
i really scared that i couldn't do well enough
i scared that i would spoil the whole team
this was my last year going for annual parade as a NA member
so i must do my best n get the trophy
we got to win!! that's our target for every year^^
the marching was over
it was so fast n i felt that i didn't perform well
sun shining mercilessly
i was so hot , sweat a lot
i moved my hands n legs
just wanna make sure that i wouldn't faint
i tried my best to stand until the end n luckily i did
is was time to announce the result
firstly , we got the 5th highest duty hour award
it came to the most important moment~
my heart beats were so fast
everyone of my team was so nervous
n finally~~ we won!! NA 17 WON!!
well , we were so happy
clapped our hands loudly n we shouted after dismissed
we were so so so happy n excited of it!!
we made it!! all the efforts that we put in were not wasted
however , i saw disappointment on the juniors' face
i was sad that they were not happy
because NC didn't win for the competition
well , its ok my dear juniors...
all of u are still young n can try next year
never give up! i will come back to support u all if i can^^
I M PROUD WITH U GIRLS :)
i love all of u=)
i love amc st john~
FORWARD LET US MARCH!

after my stomach scanning=(

my stomach scanning report

my medicines

i did my scanning on 20th July 2010

i would never forget this date

because it was such a BIG DAY for me

it was my 1 month anniversary with my dear

but at the same time , it was my scarest day in my life
i was going to do my stomach scanning

many of my friends cared about it

thank you very much!!

thanks for calling me n asked me to stand for it

thanks for supporting me n accompanying me when i need you

thanks for everything that u guys did!

however , it was a good news that i didn't have any cancer disease

but .... it was not really a good news for me

doctor said i was considered as a serious case as i m just 17th

he asked me that whether i was always emotional

for sure , i would b honest n answered 'yes'

so... he told me that i can't eat so much spicy food anymore=(

must be optimistic always n can't become so emotional

i have to eat on time for every meals

i have to keep my emotion stable n relax always

n for sure , i need to have treatments n body check up

i have to take plenty types of medicine

i hate to eat medicine very much

it gets worse that i still need to eat it 30 minutes before every meals

omg~!! i m just 17th!! but i have to b controlled my medicine in the rest of my life

such a boring life for me?? no fun anymore

everyday i will hear the same sentence from my mum

'remember to eat medicine a..'

gosh~ can i stop eating it??

i don't wish to obey it n become so 'sistematic' of eatin medicine

have fun at parade kbox^^

24/07/10~

went parade with wai loon (my dear) , khar mun (my lao gong) ,huei min(my sai lou) n chin mun (my mui)

so sad that my sis-in-law , claudia can't go along with us=(

as what khar mun promised , she treated me for my lunch^^

we went to kbox n had fun there

we sang many songs , but most were sad love songs

suddenly , something came into my mind

~words that u said to me n your attitude in these few days~

i... my mood became very down

all of u asked me what happened but i just couldn't answer

because i didn't really know what happened to me

as i just moody once i woke up early in the morning

once i saw n heard the lyrics , i felt like wanna cry

but for sure , i controlled myself

i failed... i dropped my tears in front of you
that's my first time n i swore that it would b my last time too

i will never let u c me cry anymore

sorry~ i knew that u were worrying me

i knew that you were heart aching through your face expression
how much i wished to hug u tightly n cried

but i didn't , just cried beside you

sorry for not answering what happened to me at that time

because i was just afraid that i would cry more seriously

it may be the last chance for us to meet before my trial

the fear feelings came into my heart

i felt so scare... scare that we will have problem if we don't meet

just like what happened last year

i don't want n don't wish it will happen again~

tat's y i tried my best to meet u once a week

however , we had to say goodbye to each other

truly , i didn't feel like wanna leave

didn't wish to walk to the entrance

but i must do so.. sorry~

bye my dear~ take good care of yourself at kampar~

anyway , i was enjoying myself immensely today

it was so fun that i saw them wearing dress n skirt^^

all of u looked so pretty la friends=)

hope we can hang out again after trial!

another =( day for me

u asked me that whether u had disappointed me many times for today
what did u expect me to answer?? yes?? no??
if u felt so , u should know what are the problems
then why r u still repeating n repeating??
u know every Friday i do need your support
but then where were u?? cyber cafe..
ok , never mind , because that's what a boy like to do
i also didn't blame u for helping dad
u asked me do i feel that u didn't really bother about me
yes , u did , honestly~
u asked me what should u change but i said no need
u told me that nowadays u won't jealous for me anymore
n also won't angry if i don't mind u
do u know actually... your sentences hurt me deeply?
just feel that.. it had no meaning anymore~
but thanks for being honest to me
u told me your hand phone had no battery
n u gotta go fro dinner
after i woke up from nap , i sms u
but i didn't get any reply from u
never mind , just thought that u were busying
when i log in my facebook , that's the problem
i saw u were on lining
that meant u were at cyber cafe again
i was so so so disappointed with it
u said u had told me your Mobile had no battery
yes , u did, but i didn't even know that u hadn't return home after dinner
n i didn't even expect u went to cyber cafe twice a day
but i could not blame u about it , that's your freedom
i know u will definitely become very busy whenever u online
especially when u were playing games
so i just asked u to enjoy when u said sorry to me
every time when i know u r doing something else
i will ask u to continue it n ignore me
then... u will really didn't reply me at all
do u know how hurt was i?
i would say so was just because i was heart paining
i hope that u will continue reply me even it Will be late
but i don't mind , as long as u did reply
u apologised to me again n again
will u feel bore or tire with it??
as u know.... i hate people's apologises
then y r u still keep on saying sorry to me?
don't u know that the word 'sorry' from you to me was really very hurt?
it will just increase my feeling of heartache
*so please... u can do whatever u want , but no apologise anymore*

不稀罕

以前的你会在我的面子书给我一定的关心
曾经。。。我不愿意公开我们的关系
但现在。。。我已不在乎那一切了
因为对我来说，你。。才是最重要的
看见别人在面子书上光明正大地谈恋爱
心里真的有点羡慕的感觉
所以我决定了公开我们的关系
我想让我们身边的人感觉我们的幸福
所以我才会把我们的照片放上去
一， 是为了补偿你 ， 因为以前我都做不到
二， 最近的你都心事重重般，所以我想逗你开心
三， 心里总想天天给你一些惊喜，让你快乐每一天
可是。。。原来我一点都不了解你
因为你只认为。。。我。。太张扬了
为什么别人可以在网上对对方写那么多甜言蜜语
而我们。。。却不可以呢？
我真的不明白，但我尊重你的决定
现在才知道。。。原来那不是你想要的
因为你需要的就只是信息，那就够了~
对不起 。。。我所做的一切原来都是我一厢情愿
其实。。。我早就应该发现到了吧？
因为在面子书上我写的任何东西，你都不曾回复
就算有，也很冷淡、很敷衍~
我会做得很过分吗？
我从未用过“老公”在网上称呼你
就是怕你不喜欢，但原来。。
我不做任何评语才是最好的
我是否很失败呢？
以为自己那样做可以让你感觉到甜蜜
但原来我完全错了 ， 因为我。。。
一点也不了解你。。。 对不起 ~
我以后都不会在以“女朋友”的身份
在你的面子书上写任何东西了

congratulations!!

finally , i saw both of u chat^^
i was so happy with it
because i could help both of u to remain the friendship
help st john to build unity for your form
n now , what i did to help both of u was not wasted
it proved that both of u actually do care about each other
well , i hope both of u can remember what had i said yesterday
true friends are not easy to find
but true friends aren't prefect too
didn't mean that they have to understand u 100%
because they are just a normal human being
there are many things they can't n don't know how to do also
n for sure , they will still make mistakes
n that's y , they will make u disappoint too
but it's ok , s long s they are still willing to care about u
help u , listen to u n share with you
no matter what happen , both of u must support each other
don't give up so easily
也不要让想破坏你们的人有机可乘
wishing both of u good friends forever
congrats ya kah ment n yee yun^^
appreciate=)

how will it be?

tomorow after school

i will b going to do my stomach scanning

i had avoided it for more than 2 years

n now... it's time for me to face it , right?

what will the result be?

i don't know~

truly , i m so afraid of it=(

although i said i wanna face it toughly

i still feel worry n scare

isn't i think tooo much

but my gastric seemed really very serious

today... i did gastric when i was having tuition

but i dare not to tell my mum about it

if there's really something bad tomorrow

how m i going to face it??

actually... i don't hope to let my mum to know it

just in case it is a bad news

but she's the 1 bring me to the doctor

so impossible she'll leave me there

huh~~ can i hide the result from everyone if that's bad?
i don't wanna anyone to worry me

don't wanna anyone to pity me too

anyway , i believe that i will b alright

LNJ , u r healthy always! gambateh~

medicine no cure=(

went to consult doctor two weeks ago
just because i couldn't stand for my gastric anymore=(
then he just gave me medicine
but he reminded me:
'if two weeks u still got gastric , need come back to do scanning.'
i blessed myself for not getting gastric in this two weeks
but... i had gastric for about five times!!
y will b like that?
i did listen to the advise from doctor
i didn't eat any acidic food
did eat every meals on time
did take medicine too
i followed every steps which i wouldn't do last time
but y was it seemed getting more serious?
does it mean that i really need to do scanning?
truly , i m afraid of it.. very~

my waist had pain for a week
but it is getting better
last Saturday , i shouted when my friend touched my waist
just because it was too pain!!
why will it be like that?
i really don't know how to answer this question
i did nothing n i didn't hurt it
i didn't do any exercise nor anything~
it just suddenly pain.. really OMG
now i can't sit on the floor well
once i sit for too long , it will pain
even when i sit on chair in class too
got to touch my waist always
haix~ just feel that i m getting weaker n weaker

甜蜜的回忆

我们一起出街两天了
说真的，还蛮开心的
谢谢你！！
可是我总怕你会不满意
还好~你告诉我你也很开心
可是。。。其实我们可以更开心的
对不起~请原谅我的胆小
让你一直面对着提心吊担的我
我只是怕我们再被我父母抓多一次
更不想因为那样我们再次无法见面
我不想历史重演，我不愿意~
今天离开时，的确非常舍不得
你也是，对吗？
我看到你脸上的表情
不想离开的表情~
在你走后，我就站在那一直站在学校外面
看着你的背影离开 ，可是你不知道吧~？
我们下一次的见面会是几时呢？
我不知道~希望不会等太久
说真的，我真的很想跟你读同一所学校
很想与你天天见面
可是。。。可以吗？
我不敢答应你，一切顺其自然吧~
无论怎样，都要对我们的感情有信心哦~

i hate THURSDAY

15/0710~
why every Thursday sure there is something happen?
n every time is unhappy thing!
just because every Thursday i have my volleyball practise
so every things just came at the same time so that i can express?
today there were a few things happened again=(

firstly , there was a spot check for my class!
this was the first time i was being spot check in secondary school
my correction tape!! new one~ i hadn't even open it yet!
wuwuwu~ yesterday i had finished my old one
n actually i forgot to bring a new one
morning just put it into my bag
how good if i had forgotten it~

then , recess~
SOMEONE came to my gang n pulled someone away
well , i knew HER aim, just wanna invite her to eat cake
i had no feeling with it
because that's what i expected
my attention just turned to khar mun
she looked son down immediately
she said 'they pulled her also don't pull me
n just did it in front of me.
well , it was so clear already.'
haix~ i got what she meant
was that because of me?
but y? ya , i m no more Friend with them
but they still can be friend with her no matter how
they are from the same gang wert
because she friend with me so think that she Will betray them?
honestly , she had never told me anything about them to me
i felt so guilty to see her sad face
if she joined their group , i won't mind n blame her
so she can just leave me anytime
at least she can remain the friendship with both gang
but now?? haix~ it is not worth at all la~
really such a hyper stupid 'lao gong'!!
anyway , khar mun , sorry~

before dismissed , we attended a talk
it was a course of training for becoming an air-stewardess
(it was my ambition when i was in primary school.
just because i like to travel)
but i knew that i couldn't be air-stewardess
so i changed my ambition to become a lawyer
however , i just realized that the fees for the course is so so so cheap!
n i can earn it back easily in a few months!! walao~
it has such a BIG different with the course for a lawyer
lawyer needs triple of the air-stewardess!
n it need more time to earn back the fees
or even need to use the whole life??
i don't know~~
argh~ just told my mum about it
she said a sentence 'i never encourage u to study law'
i just pretended didn't hear it
because she said it softly only
i heard it just because my ears were sensitive

*循环*

原来。。。人生的所有事情都会循环的
你怎样对别人，人家就会怎样对你
这个道理，我从小就领悟了
但。。。我没想过原来爱情也一样
曾经。。。你投诉我在信息中的冷淡
投诉我因为陪朋友而无法陪你
埋怨我因为忙而忽略你
当时的我，不觉得自己有错
也不知道自己有多伤你
可是现在，我知道了~
因为在这一个月里，我深深地体会到了
当我不开心时，你在上课
当我闷时，你在玩电脑游戏
当我有很多心事时，你告诉我你要温习功课
当我在偷偷哭泣时，你告诉我你要陪朋友了
每当我需要你时，你都不在
所以我帮一切都收在我心里了
因为我没有任何可以倾诉的对象了
当我需要发泄时，谁会愿意把耳朵借我呢？
放心，我没有怪你，因为是我先错的
所以这一切我都会选择去承受

怎么你的信息比以前短了？
刚开始，我以为你只是功课上很忙
所以我没有怪你，因为学业为重
可是。。。越来越不妥了
终于。。。我鼓起勇气问你了
你告诉我，你不知道要对我说些什么
真的对我这么无言吗？
你说我应该明白，因为我曾经也这样对你
但同时，你也应该知道那是有多伤啊
那你为什么还要这样对我呢？
'i will 4gt u imm if u wn brk wv me 1 mur tim'
心好痛。。。这是我的报应吧？
我知道我之前伤你太深了，对不起~
不过。。。我很谢谢你的坦白
'i lk... lk ady prepare 4 2nd brk gm , dno y..
whn v start 2gtr v oso sweet d,
bt finaly oso lk tat,
gt pressure, u jau wil chg d
i dno hw wil u chg,
i dn dare to put so muc hope on our relationship'
一看到这封信息，我心碎了
不断地控制自己的眼泪
但最终它还是不停地掉下了
我以为经过这么多事，我对一些都可以无所谓了
但原来，我不行，我还是会被你的话伤害到
还是一样的在乎你所说的一切
你对我没有信心，不信我了，对吧？
如果是这样，你又为何再次挽回，让我们复合了呢？
也许。。。我的答应是个错误？
我不懂~ 但不错都错了
就得尽量让它有个美好的结局了
你。。。还愿意吗？

~parents day~

090710~
today was our school parents day
my family was the 2st who reached my class
they had reached at 9.45 am!!
i was so excited to see my sister was there
she purposely came back to take my report card i love her so much!!
but i was so afraid of it
scare that she would scold me when see my Maths,Economy n Account results
because she wants me to get A+ for these subjects
but i was failed to do so
luckily , she didn't scold me , just said i must do well in trial
my brother came too , with her girl friend
walao~ really whole falmily was there
just like how they supported me in the debate final
we went education fair together~
we asked every college that provide the law lesson
omg~ i just can't imagine how expensive the fees are
i need to prepare rm200k if i wanna study 4 n a half year in m'sia
if i wanna study 3 n a half year in m'sia + 1 year at UK
i need to pay rm500k
w m i going to afford it??
i don't hope to bring any burden to my family
i know they will support me ,but......
is that worth? how if i can't earn such a big amount of money in the future?
should i change my ambition to become an accountant?
i really don't know... confunsing~

all the best to my dear *mummy*

i got a very frightening news~~
doctor said u gotta do an operation!!
y was it become so serious suddenly?
it became a cancer in your body
i was panic , but i couldn't show it out
what can i help u?
i can do nothing for u~
m i useless?? =(
*sorry*
next week will be your operation
how will it be??
i felt so scared n nervous about it
it must be success n smooth
i m afraid to lose u , definitely i do~
may god bless u my dear mummy~

i didn't be selfish=)

2/7/10~
i heard something accidentally
but there was a problem with it
something had been cancelled but u all didn't know it
tell or don't tell??
i kept on asking myself about it
i really don't know
sure if as friend,i will tell
but we are no more friends
but however , i couldn't be so selfish
if i wanna tell , how m i going to tell?
well , i tried my best to think out a solution
n i did... i got help from someone else
both of us just acting there
n she did tell u the news
no matter u trust with what she said or not
its not important for me
because as long as i told u the truth
my heart would not have any hard feeling^^
i m glad that i didn't b selfish=)