christmas

25th~
didn't go for countdown
because in was so tired after camp
nothing special , just stayed at home as usual
but that night , i went for a dinner with wei see
haha~ that's FUN~!!
she treated me for the dinner
because she owed me my birthday celebration
thank you wei see=)
love u much much~
i received a x'mas present
thanks to her very much
i had a present to give someone too
but... i couldn't~
i prepared it but it couldn't being presented out anymore

amc st john annual training camp 2010

station game^^

emerald~!!

21st-24th of dec~

as usual , i went to amc st john annual training camp 2010

what made different was i was 1 of the instructors this year

truly , i was quite surprised that i was being chosen

frankly speaking , i was quite worried too

i was afraid that i couldn't do well n couldn't train my group well

well , it went to the end.. sigh~

and i did really feel that i didn't do well in this camp

however , i was glad that my group was being praised by many people

i was glad that they got the 'best x'mas sock' n the 'best formation'

i m glad that they learnt things very fast

even they didn't get best group nor best leader

they are still the best in my heart

what i expected from them , they did achieve it

even did more than that~

well , i m proud of u all , EMERALD~!!

but for myself , i didn't know did i achieve what others expected from me

but i thought that i didn't , SORRY~

i knew that i didn't do well in my malay dance~ sigh

i made many people disappointed

when it went to the end , i got a surprised

my group leader , wong xin min gave me a hug

she thanked me profusely

actually... i didn't do anything for the group

i still felt guilty that i didn't take care u all well

i felt that i was a failure as i didn't know my group member's problem

anyway , it was so touching when she hugged me

both of us cried together~ huh~

yee yun did hug me too , n she cried

she said i made her cried every time

(actually it was her own problem , cried once she hugged me)

sigh~ time passed fast , 4 days in the camp had gone

would it be my last experience in amc st john annual training camp?

would it be my last memory with my buddies?

SPM 2010 over!!

20th~~

SPM 2010 had finally ended

should i feel relax??

i don't know

because i didn't do well

sigh~ i m so worry about my results

however , it had over

i just could let it be

huh~ i m leaving my school now

the school that i had studied since kindergarten

although i don't really like to study here

but still feel sad to leave

because there were really much memories in this school

my friends , my teachers... i will miss them immensely in the future

looking at my uniform~

i do not have to wear it anymore

MY SECONDARY SCHOOL LIFE ENDED

bye bye my school~

bye bye my friends~

bye bye my juniors~

bye bye my teachers~
bye everyone n everything in amc!!

u BETRAYED me!!!

i got a frightening news which i could hardly believe in
your kampar friend told me that u did confess to a girl two months ago!!!
it was during the period of time that u were still be with me
that was the girl that i suspected u like her
who knows... my 6th sense was really accurate
why was i so stupid n believe your explanation again n again??
n i still advised myself to believe u , i was just too sensitive
no matter how much i suspected u
i had never expected that u went to confess to her!!
luckily , she rejected.. i m proud of this girl
i admit that i did really dislike her before as i suspected both of you
but now , no more.. the 1 i hate is YOU!!
gosh~ i cried immediately when i read what your friend sent me
i couldn't accept that my boyfriend did such thing when he was together with me
but after a while , i stopped crying
y should i cry for u?? u don't deserve my tears at all
as everyone knows , i HATE being cheated by anyone
u r even more serious , because u cheat my LOVE to u
i swear to myself n to my friend as well
i,LNJ will NOT drop any tear for YOU anymore , OOI WAI LOON!!
i will NOT affected by u anymore because u have no position in my heart NOW!
we are still friend , but i will NOT believe with whatever u say
however , there are still a lot of question marks in my mind
since it happened two months ago~ in this two months...
did u love me in this two months??
u were the 1 requested to celebrate my birthday , was that your wish??
u were the 1 calling me to support me the night before SPM , anybody force u?
u were the 1 dated me to the library , was that come from your heart?
u were the 1 who hold my hand tightly n said u miss me much after didn't see me for a month , was that true?
u were the 1 enjoyed my fried rice , did u really like it?
u were the 1 kiss me in the lift of the library , what was it meant??
u were the 1 wanna bring me to your parents , what was that proved?
u were the 1 discussed about our life in college life next year , did u really hope that?
the picture u snapped with me , the theme that u wanna same with me , etc..
all of these were just acting or what?? i really don't know
i could not get answer for ALL these questions
because... i did really feel you were not lying
but... the fact was like that.. gosh~!!
it was so so so UNBELIEVABLE~!!!!!!!!!!
why the LOYAL ooi wai loon would change until like that?
sigh~ if u told me the truth when i asked u that day , i could still forgive you
but now , NO!! because u lied me again n again , unforgivable~
i don't know what will i do if i meet u next time~
TOTALLY DISAPPOINTED TO YOU~

what happen to my health??

when i reached my school to get ready for my chinese paper

i felt pain on my stomach , it was not stomachache , but gastric

it was so so so pain even when i was having my exam

i definitely couldn't concentrate at all

i didn't even know what was i writing

i just kept pressing my stomach during the exam was going on

cold sweat even forming around my forehead

sigh~ exam for a month , this was my first time

should i say i m lucky? because it didn't pain for last few exams

i nearly didn't have enough time to answer all the questions

stomach a stomach , can u please don't joke with me anymore?

i had never stopped u from disturbing me , but please don't disturb me during exam
something weird happened on my body today too

my right hand... suddenly became very pain when i was having my light meal

it was shivering when i was trying to write my essay

gosh~ WHAT HAPPENED TO MY HAND??!!

i was afraid that i can't write my essay out

once i used energy to hold the pen , it was pain

n it seemed shivered out of my control

luckily , it was not a big movement n nobody saw it

what i could do was just hold my right hand tightly with my left hand

finally it was not that pain n i could start to write my essay

but wrote until half , it was pain again , i had to stop again

how my chinese result will be?

as i don't enough time to do it n my mind was being disturbed by the pain

sigh~ GOD BLESS ME PLEASE!!

i m still having gastric now =(

it had pained for more than 16 hours

this was my first time , pained so seriously

sigh~ can anyone tell me what happen to my health today??

i miss you

once again , i slept until very late
because i just fell asleep at 4something in the morning
i couldn't sleep , really couldn't sleep
once i close my eyes , i saw your image
i saw every moment that we had gone through
it was just like a movie , flash back in my mind
gosh~ whenever i think about it , my heart felt very pain
i blamed myself for not appreciating every moment that together with u
there are still many things that we haven't do
we haven't go to west lake
haven't cook together
haven't go for a trip together
we haven't go cycling together , etc
i look at the Christmas card that i made for u
look at our picture , i miss the moment on 17 Oct
i do really happy that day , i love my smile
it was my hearty smile
i didn't remove it as my profile picture
i didn't remove my relationship request too
i just waited u to do so
i online every moment , just hope to see u not removing it
i hope we still got turning point
but... i saw u removed it at night
my heart was really very pain that time
but i smiled when saw it
u were not like last time anymore
u did really put down me , put down our love
maybe... u deserve a better one , i m not a good girlfriend at all
i see everything that we bought together
but... i couldn't find our ring
i cried , i felt very nervous
luckily , i found it
if not... i don't know how will i be
i do really will be mad~
look at the ring , i remember the moment u help me to put it on
'forever love' ~ the word on the ring
but y our love can't last forever? sigh~
u text me in the midnight
u can't sleep also right?
y u made this decision , but u couldn't sleep also?
what r u thinking?? can u please tell me?
*i hope i can help u to solve your problem*

ended

101210~
unhappy , i was really unhappy today
being fooled by someone
i was really very angry n disappointed with it
i thought to get support from you
who knows... the unluckiest of mine had not reached yet
u were weird , but i thought just as usual who knows...
u told me that actually u still thought that u made decision too fast
u meant on 20th of June , u asked for restart for too fast
so... in this half year , u were not comfort too , right?
sigh... sorry for wasted u half a year time
maybe... u will b happier without me
that's y , i respected your decision
but... i thought just gave u time to calm
who knows... what u said showed me that u really gave up
haix~ we really can't get 3rd chance anymore?
i know... that's my fault~
i was the 1 who hurt u 1st
how much do i hope that i can return to 14th february
haix~ i couldn't sleep every night
last time , i like to stay alone at home because it is silence
but now... i dare not to stay alone at home anymore
i felt scare , really very scare~~
once i m alone , i will cry
that's not what i hope , but it drop automatically
last time , i just cried for 1 night
y will i become so weak n cry everyday now?
i hate myself when i m crying
because i will very miss u when i m crying
i hate myself to be like that
i got the feeling wanna text u , but i don't dare
i hope to hear that u got any reason for leaving me
i hope to know what r u thinking
if u wanna tell me that u don't love me at all
i won't believe at all
your actions in this 6 months proved that u do really love me
but i want to tell u that
not as what u think- i'll b happier without u
DEFINITELY U R WRONG!
i really don't understand y r u so lack of confident
y do u wanna be so silly? sigh~
no matter how , thanks for giving me this 6 months
thanks for supporting me always
thanks for celebrating my birthday with me
it will be kept in my heart forever
as that's our last dating
thanks for taking care me all the time
thanks for your song
thanks for your card
thanks for everything that u give me

SORRY~ i ddi not try my best=(

i knew my history result in SPM will disappoint many people
frankly speaking , i did serious in my revision for history
this is the first time i memorise my history
i spent all my time on it , didn't even touch any other subject
because i know i m weak in this subject
so i do need to put much much effort in it
but finally... i had lose in it
i lose to this subject
no matter u guys believe or not , i still wanna say~
i had never gave up this subject , no matter how tough it is to me
until the last moment , i didn't give up it
i was still memorising until the moment before i entered the exam hall
its just because , i had promised someone that i would try my best in this subject
i would do my best in this examinations , i don't wanna disappoint u
do u believe that i did try to do my best?
ya , compare to most of the people , i m still consider as lazy
but this is really the first time i do revision for my exam
for PMR n every exam that i have in this 13 years schooling
i had never do any revision in any exam
but SORRY , i will still disappoint u
I'M SORRY~ for my stupids