U were @@

again... i was crying in the lab
y was i cried so often nowadays??
i hate myself so much
for not being tough enough
y i always cried in the lab??
haiz~~ maybe it was so suitable to cry as nobody will know it
crying is now becomes my way to express
i prefer the previous me
can express better but the ways were stupid
i would eat spicy or sour food
i love it much but i couldn't stand for it
as i would get gastric
but i m totally hating myself for dropping my tears so easily now
i wished to become the previous me
nobody will know i was unhappy
as i could just pretend laughing very well
but.. i lost myself.. couldn't get it back anymore

what did i do wrong?
y both of u wanna hurt me like that?
i never excuse myself for doing things
but u were the 1 ignored me
then y were u angering with me?
i sensed what did u 2 discuss
but i just kept silent n waiting for u to voice out
finally.. she came n said 'eh , change place next week..'
i thought i was ready for it??
then y would i get hurt of her words?
i just ignored
n started to drop my tears again
because i was so angry with it
u didn't even ask me but u were just informing me after both of u made decision?
who m i for u?
just a ball??
u were the 1 who wanna sit with me
n separated my dear n me
then now u no need me anymore then 'returned' me to my dear?
so FUNNY!! n still , u didn't know what happened
n still dare to ask me y was i unhappy
GOSH~ i was totally disappointed with both of u
i know , i was just a replacement for everyone
everyone will find me when they r having problems with best friend
well , i m willing to help s long s u r happy
but then after the problem being solved
all of u will just forget about me s u get your own best friend
y m i so loyal to all of my friends??
or maybe i m just too stupid??

i m PROUD of u ^^

i attended st john ambulance Malaysia state competition on Saturday n yesterday
i went there just to give my supports to my division
especially for my little soh mui^^
did my appearance make u became more confident??
i thought NO le~
well , nc was not confident
they thought themselves couldn't make into national
its okay^^ s long s u all did try your best=)
however , i was so surprised when the results were announced
i was very happy too!!
both of our team made themselves to the final!!
we were the overall champion!!
walao eh~~ unexpected
we were the worst during the area competition n now we were the best!!
i felt happy was not because they won
was just because they did improve
a lot... everyone of them did
n the main point... they beat down THAT school
wakaka ( not to mention what school is that)
again.. my little mui got prize in her written test
some mor champion!! i clapped my hand so loudly when i heard her name!!
geng nya~~ i was so happy with it!!
this time i need not to borrow my shoulder to u
haha.. do u know??
i just couldn't stop smiling on u
'u must go kl a~'
haha~ thanks for the invitation ya mui~
u were very worrying that i won't go right??
well , i tel u my answer here~
no matter how far u go n how difficult the future road is
i m always here to stay by your side
just to support u whenever u need me^^

NA n NC from sjam amc~~
u girls did a good job=)
must continue gambateh!!
keep it up^^

she is just *TERRIBLE*

i got a news from miss heong
someone said we won poi lam was just because we friend with the judge
what logic was this??
i was so angry when i heard it
because she was 1 of the teachers of our school!!
n i did very like her before
i was totally disappointed to her
she had no more good image in my heart
she doesn't know anything about debate...
so she is DISQUALIFIED to judge anything
she is not a debater...
so she is DISQUALIFIED to look down us
she is not our teacher...
so she is DISQUALIFIED to say we didn't work hard
she didn't put in any effort...
so she is DISQUALIFIED to hurt my beloved teammates!!
we could go into the final was based on the effort that we put in
we could win was because we deserved it!
so nobody can simply say something bad about us
especially those who don't even know what debate is
it is not an easy job
does she know how much hard work that we need to put in to get this achievement??!!
she doesn't know AT ALL
so can she just stop saying nonsense??!!
I HATE HER MUCH NOW~~

everything ended

the state Chinese debate competition was over
we lose in to hua lian in the final=(
on that morning , i was so not feeling well
but i stood for it n finally i went up to the stage
but... i just couldn't fully concentrate when the competition was on
i was a failure~ i was a disqualified debater
because i couldn't put everything down before went up to the stage
OMG~~ it was so pain.. i was so suffer during the competition
finally.. it went to the end
we came down n cried
as we knew , we didn't do well
we did not do our best
we spotted right what were their points
we discussed how to fight against them before
but what happened to us??
we did not do what had we prepared
because i was not feeling well??
because we were tired??
because we were nervous??
haiz~ i didn't know
as it was not important anymore
it was over
n the fact was just what we expected
WE LOSE~~

SORRY=(

haix~ i viewed every one's profile

they were so unhappy n disappointed

i felt bad too

i didn't feel excited although i won

just glad that i did improve

but however , it was so obvious that everyone of them are better than me

i so wish to cheer them up n comfort them

could i?? or they will hate me more??

haiz~~ i really didn't hope to see them like that

i rather i was the 1 who lose

as i won't as sad as them

just because they were the champion last year??

or because they didn't do the best??

haiz~~ whenever they said congrats or thanks to me

just will make me feel more guilty

that's the reason i hate to have competition with friends

i just hope all of them can cheer up as soon as possible

i am always proud of them^^

improvement=)

having my semi-final debate competition today

i was so nervous n scared in the morning

because i couldn't find any feel like going competition

something wrong among my teammates

haiz~~ i was really very worried about it

how were we going to competition if we didn't cheer up??

finally.. miss heong realized the problem too

she talked to us

and we just advised ourselves n started to revise everything

that's the last moment preparation

can we be success?? just depends on the fate ba~

well , i saw many friends who were going to support me

thanks to all of u!!! so touching~~ =)

during the competition , i read my script in time!!

hahaha~~ i was soooo worried about my 盘问

however , i answered all the questions smoothly

but i was not that satisfied with it

some just avoiding n giving stupid answer

but its better than last time la^^

自由辩

i still didn't stand up n answer much

haix~~ bad=(

but i caught something that they spoke wrongly n told yuen si^^

it went to the end

my friends n teachers said i did very well

but... i was not really agreed with it

its time for the results to be announced

i was so afraid with it

the comments from the judges were so long

i was getting nervous n nervous

finally... the mc announced that wei keng was the best debater

so will sam tet won the competition??

OMG~ can we win both??!!

yeah~ WE DID!! WE WON!!

our supporters screamed n my tears dropped too

i saw a sweet smiley face from all of them

especially miss heong , she was the 1st 1 came to hug me

her hug was warm as it was very tight

from her hug , i could feel how happy was she

she praised me that i did very well

having a big improvement

i received many messages

all of them congratulated me

some were saying that they admired me much

some told me that they were proud of me

some said that i did improve much

miss heong said that i be myself today as i looked calm^^

卢老师 、 鄉老师、 张老师 、戴老师～～

谢谢您们一直以来的指导

在辩论的过程里，我真的从您们身上学了很多东西

我成长了很多，也变得更有自信了

谢谢您们在我没有信心时，给予我信心

谢谢您们在我失去方向时，没有放弃我

谢谢您们为我做的一切！！

my beloved teammate~

wan ning , xiao wen , wei keng , yuen si~~

i do really very proud that i can be part of the team

thanks GOD for giving me chance to be with u girls

thanks yuen si for helping n guiding me to write the script

thanks xiao wen for teaching me how to give boom

thanks wei keng for teaching me how to answer question

thanks wan ning for helping me all the times by giving me your necklace

thanks all of u for supporting me always

sorry that i was always in emo n couldn't grab point well

I LOVE ALL OF U!!

lets fight till the end!! ^^

thanks all of u who did supported me

cheered me up n helped me along this journey

i appreciated it very much!!

i will not disappoint all of u

will keep my spirit up till the end

your SIMPLE sentence=(

070410~~

i cared u much

because u r my good friend

but what was the sentence that u gave me??

it hurt me deeply

u might said it out naturally

n u would never think that it would hurt me

well , i tel u now...

IT DID HURT ME MUCH

my heart was just like being stabbed by a knife

i know u were not purposely for it

but i just couldn't pretend that's nothing for me

i mind it much

do u know how do i wish to cry at that moment??

but i controlled it n just left the place

n still , i said 'bye' to u as usual

i did so much for u

but in your heart , they are much more important than me

never mind~ its ok actually

but do u really need to be that honest

n told me 'that's none of your business..' ??

PLEASE... THINK CAREFULLY BEFORE U SPEAK

a simple sentence from u may hurt others badly

just u don't realize it

MEANINGLESS=(

unexpected , i cried at science lab today
just because something that my friend advised me
i cried seriously
i knew that i had made my friends shocked
they worried me much
because that was the 1st time i cried till so serious
until i can't really breathe
well , i know....
it's time for me to give up
i MUST take their advise

i had a look on my photo album
those were photos 3 years ago
i found that i get much prettier
but my mum said something that i really agreed
'but i think the previous u was better..
u did smile nicely when u snapped photo
why u don't like to smile now??'
ya~ that's truth
but.... y??
i don't know
really don't know..
what made me changed??

i like to laugh
but do u know??
the moment i laughed loudly
just is the moment that i most sad
because i just wanna to hide my sadness up
i don't wish anyone to worry about me

well , what i knew today....
was really disappointed me
now just realized that i was soooo stupid for so many years
but...... why what u told me was not same??
who should i believe??
i really don't know
TOTALLY FED UP=(

害怕失去你~

凌晨十二时四十分
我还未能入睡
为什么？
我也不知道
我又失眠了
虽然我很累
但无论我在床上怎样打滚
我仍然睡不着
心痛得无法呼吸
在这一刻
我才知道你对我有多重要
我害怕没有你的日子
我们的距离逐渐远了
我们会回到陌生人的时候吗？
不晓得
我只知道…
你对我彻底的失望了
对不起
真的很对不起
但你又是否知道
当我在祢补时
我的心也在疼痛着
因为我在帮你们信息对方
令我感到我自己是个多余人物

PS~别误会…主角是个女生…只是我很好很好的朋友

*谢谢在这时候信息我并安慰的人…你的信息…给予我一定的支持…

违背承诺的我=(

你的信息把我给吓倒了
我能感觉到你当时有多生气
虽然信息里你还带着笑容
但那让我感到很讽刺
我不停地向你道歉
但你都没有回复我
我很怕
真的很怕
我很怕你会讨厌我
更怕你以后都不会再睬我了
对不起
真的很对不起
我知道我错了
我不该把真相说出来
更不该在说了之后还隐瞒你
纯粹是我以为她不会提起我
谁知…
我太不了解她了
我没有怪她
因为是我自己笨
以为那一切就算说出来也没有关系
但原来你们都这么介意
那为何你要假装不在乎呢？
我的心很痛
眼泪不停地流
胃也痛了
你恨我了？
我不再是你朋友了？
对不起！！！