speechless

when i woke up in the morning , i felt very happy
excited for school although today exam 2 subjects
but when i was having my breakfast , i vomited
what happened?? that's my favourite food le~

when i reached school , i didn't talk to u dears
i didn't know why , just don't feel like talking
and don't even stick with u all
haix~ sorry.. i didn't know what's wrong to me
u sensed it right?? that's y u asked me??
but sorry that i couldn't answer u anything

my exams were sucks
i couldn't balance my account
that's my 1st time failed to do so
i was soooo failure
felt disappointed to myself
haiz~ i had no mood to have my meal
i was not hungry although i vomited my breakfast
i just ate coconut jelly
scolded by someone as i should not eat it

i felt so sleepy when having mandarin test
haix~ i couldn't und the passage
i m sure that i will get bad result in my test
when dismissed , i try to treat u all s usual
but yet , i failed..
i just walked out to the gate by myself
i was alone all the while of today
*dislike*dislike* today=(

a frightening news

i was so shocked when i got that message ' i m serious~'
from yesterday , u kept saying that u wanna be my boyfriend
n kept saying that u were already my boyfriend
so u would take care me n accompany me all the while
i just took it as joke as i knew that u always joked that with others
i thought everything will be alright today
who knows.. u said the same thing again
i said i had never promise u about it
n u asked me for the answer
i called u not to joke anymore as it was not fun at all
u said u had never joke with me but just i had never trust it

i felt the serious of you so i asked u the last time
'r u really like me?? this is the last chance..
so think carefully before u answer as u can't keep it back once u have answered..'
i expected that u would tell me u don't play anymore
who knows...... 'i m serious.' that's what u replied me
i knew that i couldn't pretend don't know anything anymore
u told me that u like me , but u yourself don't know when it started
u told me that actually u were angry when my FRIEND went to library with us
we are from same gang so i m just always take u as my good friend
n i thought u are same with me , just that simple
i never expect that u will have feel to me
never expect u will confess to me
NEVER~ *UNEXPECTED* UNBELIEVABLE*

what did i attract u?? i really don't know..but however , i had REJECTED
what was the reason for that??
i don't know.. i know u are very good
very caring n protective
but i just couldn't accept u as my boyfriend
i rather both of us to be good friend
i m so sorry for that~ sorry..
i will pretend nothing happen when i meet u tomorrow
WE ARE GOOD FRIENDS FOREVER

please... STOP it~!!

debate debate debate~~
i m so tired of this word
every Saturday when having dinner outside
i will hear of these
n every time mentioning the same thing
'your pictures were on the newspaper de le~'
'after u lose your debate competition , sister n i went up to the newspaper also~'
'its ok de la... got runner up considered very good already~'
'even your aunt also said hua lian very famous~'
'aiya~ ya gela... hua lian is so geng le.. once the 3rd debater stood up , none of u can fight her also~'
'aiyo~ never mind la~ 1st year took part only ma...'
'yale~ c u so got face.. we purposely came back n supported u le~'
everyone takes turn n spoke different sentence
but everyone spoke the same sentence of yours
3 of u kept repeating this sentence every Saturday
don't u all feel bored with it??
don't u all know how much the words hurt me?
can't u notice that my expression will change immediately when u started to talk about it?
at the beginning , i could still joke with u all
but it had passed n over more than 1 month
can u all just stop mentioning it?
i don wish to cry in front of u all
i stand for it so many times
i just forced myself to smile when u all talked about it
i thought everything has ended after the competition
but there's still someone praising for my good job
someone saying that they are so disappointed that we couldn't win
someone still giving me pressure
someone still hating me
everyone is still mentioning~!!
gosh~ can u all please stop it??!
i didn't say that i mind doesn't mean that i don't
who don wanna win in a competition??
who wanna lose??!! NOBODY~
that's not what we hope too
we had already cried much on 18th April
so can u all just 'PITY' me n stop talking about it??!!
just let time passes n let me forget about it
please........... stop it~

promise~

'y r u so speechless recently?'
many people asked me this question nowadays
y?? m i really so speechless??
haiz~ ya , maybe that's true
last time... no matter how sad was i
i still can counsel my friends once they need me
but now...?? ya~ i will advise them
but i will speechless too
i will tell them in a sad way
omg~ lnj!! what happened to u?!!
u said before that u want to cheer everyone
but if u continue to be like that
how can u cheer others s u sound so down??!!
but... that's who i m now
i know that my reply sounds annoying
but i never feel bored to text with u guys
i m happy to receive message
but i m so sorry that i can't make u to feel my happiness
i m sorry that i can't have a long reply for u all
my heart seemed dead
n i just can't have any feeling now except 'pity'
but... just give me some time
i will try my best to find back myself
become the previous lnj who can share everything with u
BELIEVE ME PLEASE
~but i m failed to promise u about the time~
i will just to my best n achieve it s fast s i can

my health

something made me feel very scare recently
the problems of my hands n legs
I fell that day n i just thought that i was too sleepy
but... i nearly fell again at school that day
when i was going to the washroom
my right leg didn't have energy suddenly
my knee bent down
i couldn't balance myself n i stepped onto the field
luckily my friend was beside me
she supported me n asked me what had happened
i just told her that i kicked a stone
when i was writing my essay
my right hand shivering
n it would suddenly very pain
until i couldn't hold my pen
just could put it down n hold my right hand with my left hand
sometimes.. it will shiver till out of my control

besides that , my gastric is getting serious
it pains more frequently
not only once a week
but it will surely pain on Thursday
when i m having tuition
don't know why.. haiz~
what happened to my body??
i really don't know
is it time for me to have a body check?
seems i can't avoid it anymore
but i m so afraid of it
i won't ask my family to bring me there
but i also dare not to go by myself
what should i do??
haiz~ just see when it happens again..

LIBRARY

went to library with eleena just now
i realized that my account t is getting worse
haiz~ i m going to catch up it more
i met many people there
someone was dating with his girlfriend
someone was learning chemistry from my another friend
chen hong (eleena's god brother) came
we revised together
i taught them maths
he was just too too too funny
always 'zat' by his friends

i joined them after i closed with them
all of us laughed non-stop
'shh~' someone complained -.-"
well , long time didn't laugh like this
really a very big THANK U to my dear eleena , chen hong n his friends
what they said made me laughed out loud

however , everything returned to its original point once i reached home
i felt so disappointed when i knew that there's nothing for me to eat
nowadays they will just care for brother's new shop
how about me??
ain't i their daughter too??
haiz~ totally fed-up

IT MADE ME THINK OF U~

什么都不要懂只想继续做梦
害怕醒来以后握不住你的手
是谁太不成熟没体谅彼此感受
我不停寻找着理由解释分手

心好空像没温度的气球
我的灵魂困在回忆中 动也不能动

爱上你 不需要理由
你到底懂不懂
可是怀念竟比失去还要更难受
噢爱让我想起你的时候
泪禁不住滑落可惜你永远都不会懂

什么都不要懂只想继续做梦
害怕醒来以后握不住你的手
如果同一秒钟你也想起了我
心只要能微微颤抖就已足够

爱上你不需要理由
你到底懂不懂
可是怀念竟比失去
还要更难受
噢爱让我想起你的时候
泪禁不住滑落
或许我永远都看不透

爱上你不需要理由
你到底懂不懂
伤心快乐在回忆中反复的交错
噢爱让我想起你的时候
泪禁不住滑落
可惜你永远都不会懂
放心我还会好好的过

my smile had gone=(

don't know since when
i don't know how to smile anymore
i did show my laughter in my class
but in my heart , i m not happy at all
i was so easy to get angry recently
i HATE noise in my class
HATE people blocked my way
HATE u for being cool to me
HATE to b alone at home everyday
HATE u for not caring me anymore
HATE HATE HATE~~!!!
i almost shed my tears everyday
no matter where m i
i just wish to cry out
s i HATE to keep it in my heart
i m sorry~~
for making u all worry
for frightening u all
but.... the tears dropped so automatically
out of my control
what happen to me??
i wouldn't drop my tears easily last time
but now... i do
i just don't want to control it
i don't want to cheat myself
i could always pretend happy in front everyone of u
but now... i can't
i will show my moody out
but i will never tell u why

truly , i do really need somebody to hug me now
i just want to cry out loud to express my feelings
ya~ i cried very much recently
i do it everyday even twice a day
but none of it was enough
because i HATE myself for crying
so i will stop it in the half way
n that's y i will cry again when i meet problem next time
my days are full of problems
i m unhappy at home , school..
i thought i can get happiness in sms
s u can always b the 1 who cheer me up
but y u can't do it now??
because u r stressed for your studies?
that's y i m speechless to u too
sorry~ but i will promise that i will never leave u
however , my smile had gone
i couldn't find the previous me anymore
the LNJ who is smiling happily to u
is just the fake me (most of the time)

SORRY EVERYONE~
*i hope u won't leave me n give up me just because of this*

你在怪我吗？

通过你在这段时间里对我的不理不睬
我知道你生气了，对吗？
但是我却不知道我做错了什么
我真的不晓得
因为我夺去了你想要的东西？？
因为我隐瞒了你？？
但那之后你仍然跟我讲话啊~
我到底哪一方面又得罪你了？？
我一直以为。。。
在我们当中，我是与你感情最好的那个
但现在，你会与他们打招呼
而我呢？？我对你笑，你却当我透明
以冷漠的眼神瞪了我一下就离开了
当时的我真的好想当场大声哭出来
到底怎么回事了？？
其实。。。之前我就知道你不爽我了
但我当作什么都不知道
但是今天，事实已摆在眼前了
我不会强逼你去与我和好
但我可不可以请你不要公报私仇？？
我希望你再做每一件事时，在分配每一样工作时~
你都是抱着公正无私的心态
我承认，我不服
因为我不觉得我有什么对不起你
以前一切的决定根本就不在我手中
你能怪我吗？？
怪就只能怪你得罪了她
在那段时间里，你无心的伤害已让我掉了无数次的眼泪
现在事情结束了，我以为一切都会很好
但结果呢？？今天的我仍然为你的所作所为掉泪了
也许你不知道，那真的伤我很深
我不想我们的友谊就这样结束了=（
早知道如此，我当初就什么都不会答应
是我错了吗？？

I LOVE IT=)

tis was the new shoes i bought

adidas~costing me rm160++

it was worth

though it was expensive

because i love it much^^

going to wear it during my genting+kl trip with sjam amc=)