包袱

总觉得自己把全家给拖累了
我的出现
夺走了姐姐所有的爱
如果不是我
哥跟姐就不用为了供我读书而到外地做工
姐姐身为最小的，也会得到多点疼爱，她也会有个快乐的童年
爸妈也不用待在怡保
那时大家都不用挨着相思之痛
可以全家人搬到新加坡／一起待在怡保团圆
如果我没有出世
那大家就会少了一个很大的负担
那为什么我还是要来到这个世界呢？
我讨厌孤独地待在家
我很想念小时候被哥哥姐姐骂我烦的日子
想念他们陪我幼稚的时候
想念他们在怡保的时刻
哥…姐…爸…妈…
对不起~
是我连累了你们
破坏了你们无忧无虑的生活
我没用

一封写出心声的信~

我第一次为了看信而哭
哭到没有声音
甚至不能呼吸
那是一封真情流露的信
写出了一个为了家而到外国做工的女孩对家的思念与期望
也写出了她对她生活的一切感受
她从不回想童年回忆
因为她觉得很孤独
家里与学校都无人疼爱她
她妹妹的诞生
使她连那少少的爱都被夺走了
但她从来没有讨厌过她妹妹
反而最疼的是她
因为她想她妹妹活得比她更快乐
她把所有希望与幸福都投射在她妹妹身上
她付出最多；得最少
最终她找到了在她生命中最疼她的人-她的丈夫
她很感谢妹妹对她的支持
姐~谢谢您！
谢谢您对我的疼爱与对这个家所付出的一切！

a memorable camp^^

i went for amc st. john annual training camp
i was 1 of the camp committee
as a security , i had less time to sleep
i did regret for it before
but i knew i was wrong
because when sharing
my junior thanked me for it
at least i knew i has done something for camp
when we were in camp
i hoped to return home faster
just because i missed my bed much

the sharing part.....
i cried seriously
to see what they wrote on my paper
and it was the last day we overnight at school
i felt like......
i didn't wanna return home
i missed camp so much
we put so much effort in it
but it just last for three days

the last day~~
we did well in the closing
there's tears around everywhere
but it not because of blaming and sadness
it was because the sense of appreciation

my parents came
but i didn't want to go back
i hug my dear friends n cried
when i returned home
i did really missed camp much

i love this year camp
i love amc st. john
n i love all of u
truly n deeply from my heart

i learned many things in this camp
benefit lots
i had grown to become more mature
i truly wanna thanks all the camp committee
surely for the guideness
from mr. lai , pn. tan , sir kevin n ex-seniors too
i sweared to myself
i would never regret to be a part of this society

my recent life

i am always having emotional recently
i am not as patient as last time anymore
i always get angry easily
don't know why
sigh~~ i felt sorry to everyone around me
i didn't scold them
but i always in a unhappy mood
i knew i made many of u worry
but please believe me~~
i am ok and will be alright soon
here , i wish to thanks my jie n mui
*my mbb jie n my mdd soh mui
because they do give me a lot of advises
and of course supports too

there's really many problems appeared in my life
my family n friends as well
i didn't know what should i do
i felt fed up.. really
i couldn't survive in such a suffer life
i couldn't sleep well every night
i really don't know how to solve the problems between us
i did really feel tired
but i had never give up to think solutions

2010 is coming soon
should i be happy??
for me.....
2009 is a trouble year for me
many things happened around me
which i never expected n shocked me
ans because of all these
i did change a lot
i became more tough n cool
but it might not a good change??
i am wondering~~ however....
there's many more problems which i had not solved yet
will all these be alright in a new year??
i don't know~~
i hope i can lead a happier life in a new year
i don't want as suffer as this year anymore
god bless me~~

最特别的你~~

11/12
整整一天了…
我的收件箱里…
毫无你留下信息的痕迹…
怎么了？又出现什么问题了吗？
我又开始担心了…
而我的心情…
也不知觉地变得低落了许多…
脸上的笑容自然地消失了~
你是否知道…
在没有与你联络的时刻里…
哪怕只有那么区区的一天…
也足以让我的心跳停止~
我对你的爱…
已被隐藏在我心灵的最深处…
如果我不说出口…
你是否能感觉得到呢？
不管我们的将来如何…
我真的很想永远待在你身边…
好好地守护你，不让你收到任何伤害…
我能这么幸运…
去拥有这个机会…
成为你的永恒伴侣吗？
但愿我能^^

为何一切都变了？

从新加坡回来已有一段时间了…
但从我踏进怡保的第一步开始,
就好像注定了我要面对很多问题~
我觉得…身边一切都变了
你对我冷淡了…
她变得恐怖了
他不再这么主动找我了
这一切都令我对周围的环境有了极大的恐惧感
我开始不会分辨身边的人…
到底谁是真心;
谁是假意了
绝望的我真的厌倦了自己的生活…
我真的觉得很累了…
也快要撑不下去了…
难道我只想回来后，能过一些平静的生活…这样也有错吗？
如果知道回来会让我这么烦恼…
我真的宁愿躲在那儿一辈子都不回来…
*当事情无法如愿地解决时，逃避未必不是一个好方法~~

你在耍我么？背叛我了吗？

5/12~
从朋友口中得到了一个很惊讶的消息…
对我来说，它是一个很坏的消息…
因为…我信任的你…背叛我了~
我是否应该相信这一切呢？
但事实摆在眼前
我也无法再逃避了…
她们没有欺骗我的必要…
还是有什么误会了？
因为你对我所做过的一切…
并不让我觉得那是假的…
我们的友谊会这样就结束吗？
我不晓得…
只知道自己已经对你绝望了…
而我们以后…
应该也只可以做两位很普通的朋友…
因为我对我们的友谊没有信心了
而我…也不敢再轻易地相信你了…
对不起~
也许…这就是我们的终点了
一切都回到我们刚认识的时候了~

the LAST day

today is the last day i stay at s'pore
but the stupid me choose not to go anywhere
am i stupid n silly??
but i respect my decision
because i really very tired to walk here walk there
i rather stay at home to online
chat with mt buddies
download songs n all those
although i can do this at ipoh
but don't know y
i just wish to stay at home today

at the beginning , i wish to return ipoh faster
because i really miss my soh mui , mui , frens , dears much
but now?? ya.. i miss them too..
but i don't wish to back
once i return ipoh , i need to face many people n many things
still got some problem not being solved yet
at here , i can avoid all these
i can go out by myself to any shopping center when i m boring
i can eat anything since nobody here know i got gastric
so they won't control me
n i like the weather here , windy always
i like the people here , polite n honest

but however , i know
i can't avoid those people n problem forever
i still have to return ipoh to solve it
because ipoh is my hometown
my house is there , n my family too
my school n my friend also
i know i can't leave ipoh at this moment
i feel sorry to my st john committee
especially wei see
because i asked her to tell me everything
n every news about sjam amc when i at s'pore
n she need to solve everything about security n coordinator
she as my partner... really pity her le..haiz~~
n kit yeng too....(my lao gong..haha)
because i asked her to pass things to jia min
sorry thank you so much my buddies!!
see u all soon^^

the ONLY n SPECIAL day^^

today is the only day i alone with Eleena at s'pore
so it considered as a very special day for me
we went for breakfast together
then went to Bugis
she suggested that we went to LAVENDER
the name is nice
we thought there's sure much beautiful scenery
who knows..... there's neither shopping centre
fine.. but there's nothing to go at all!
like a jungle without anything
not suit the name at all
wuwuwu
we sat at the bus station to rest
something more terrible happened
an old man was looking at us
with a very weird eye sights!! OMG
very 'bian tai' a
he came closer n closer
luckily finally he went off
huh~~ relax.. left that place fast!!
we saw a woman talked to herself at the MRT station
what day is today?? we saw so many such kind of people
when i was waiting MRT
i saw a VERY VERY VERY perasan girl
not a young girl but not old too
she stood in front at the MRT door
she turned hare turned there
just to look the back of her dress
i felt wanna vomit when i saw that
so i changed my direction
who knows she walked in front of me n did the same thing
wuwuw~~story had not end yet
again.. an Indian man looked very normal when i board the MRT
but don't know why
he suddenly mentioned some places name
it was the place that MRT arrived
at every station , he did the same thing
OMG~~ we really TBT him la
n i did laugh
because thought that today i was so 'lucky'

i m just a *BALL*

my digi sim card was being locked
due to my careless
my sister scolded me
i admitted that's my fault
but she even said i was blocking her mirror
OMG~~ do u know how hurt was i??
i dropped my tears silently
i didn't know whether they see it
but i didn't care
because i try hard to control
and stop my tears
but i just couldn't do it
i was very unhappy n moody
why m i seem just like a ball??
a ball being kicked to anywhere when they don't want me
there's none a place for me to stay well
haiz.. so much i wished to return ipoh

*thanks for those friends who sms me n support me
although it was very expensive to sms me*